Today's little lesson on dropping the rope- A couple of weeks ago my H announced he was buying a dirtbike (motorcycle). It came as a surprise to me because 1) it's a rather pricey purchase and he didn't bother to discuss the financial part with me and 2) he has always said he didn't want the aggravation of maintaining toys with gas engines. It seemed a little impulsive but I bit my tongue (except for encouraging him to get the cheaper used bike instead of the expensive brand new one). We had been out camping in the desert with his best friend a few weeks ago and H had ridden with him. I figured, well, H just really wants to hang with his best friend, and although it seems like a dangerous hobby to me, I have to trust H's judgment there, and if it's really what he wants, it's okay with me. (Big 180 because in the past I would have questioned the expense, reminded him of what he has said in the past about why he didn't want to get involved in motorbikes, and told him I thought it was dangerous!).
Last week my H found out that a guy we know (his kids played soccer with ours when younger, he surfs the same breaks as my H, nice guy, family man) had just died in an accident in the desert riding a quad ATV.
Last Saturday my H went out riding with his friend to try out the used bike he was planning to buy. H took a low-speed fall and landed with the bike on top of him and his leg wedged between some things sticking up on the side of the trail and his arm pinned under the bike too and gas spilling out onto him. His friends were ahead of him and didn't see him fall. H was stuck there for a while before he managed to get out from under the bike. I'm sure he was thinking about the guy who just died.
H came home limping badly from a contusion to his thigh and covered in dirt. I could tell he was shaken up but I kept things light, took care of him without making any kind of deal out of it. Didn't ask him any questions about the bike. (His leg still hurts today and this injury will take some of the fun out of his planned ski/snowboard trips at the end of this week -day in the local mountains with our S11 for his birthday, then a quick trip to the East Coast for his college buddies annual ski trip).
Next day H went to a memorial service for our friend. H's best friend brought the bike over and helped H put it in the garage. H didn't seem like a boy with a fun new toy.
This morning H calls me from work to "talk about the bike" - he thinks he may not buy it! That it's a big expense for something he really doesn't enjoy as much as surfing, that maintaining the engine is an albatross around his neck, that the risks involved are more than he's willing to pay for the fun involved, etc. - all the things I would have told him myself in the old days - how much better for him to figure it out by himself
Of course, he's not fully decided, and he may still buy the bike - and I'm okay with that. I just feel really good about letting go of my end of the rope.
Other good things - I got my Christmas present last week. Yes, early, I know - but H couldn't figure out where to hide it, and as it turns out, it will help me get in shape for our snowboarding trip at Christmas - because he bought me a really nice treadmill ! This means a lot to me, because it's not just that he bought me a treadmill, but that he's willing to deal with the inconvenience of having it in the living room (there's really no where else to put it in our small house). That really involves him putting my wants/desires/needs ahead of his own irritation at having it folded up in the corner of the room- something he didn't always do much of in the past.
Another bright spot - took my D13 to a new nail place to get her nails done (special treat - she loves that girly stuff, and quit chewing her nails, so she deserved it). While I sat and waited, the little Asian woman working on my daughter asked her - "Is that your mother? She's younger, huh?". Considering I didn't have my D until I was 34, that felt pretty good, to be considered a "young mom"!
Also - speaking of D13 - the groovy new 8-track digital recorder that I ordered for her arrived - we spent part of the weekend figuring out how to use it and she recorded her newest song on it then laid down a killer vocal harmony track. It's going to be a great tool for her to use, and tremendous fun too.
