I don't necessarily disagree with you, but I do think you should give it some internal, set amount of time in YOUR mind. 3 months perhaps?
Some do six, others a year or even two; I personally could have NEVER abided that long. I chose three, and told my wife only that "I hope you'll hurry up and do the right thing, because what's left of my love for you is running out every day you carry on this affair and lie to me and everyone else about it."
Puppy
I am putting Puppy’s quote in here since his advice thus far has been invaluable he also knows that from here on out it is a TIME thing.
Before you start communicating time tables and boundaries and the like to your wayward W, I would caution you to consider how long you will stand. If you say 3 months and 3 months comes and goes and you are still standing, it will weaken your position. . . .
I advocate INTERNAL deadlines, and there's a reason why I used that word "internal" in my post to CD. The problem is, if you tell your wayward spouse that you will wait until, say, October 31st, then you've just basically given your tacit approval for them to carry out their affair until then, and then -- on October 30th -- you'll find that they come to you, full of contition and remorse, BEGGING you to take them back and promising you the moon and the stars.
It's like telling the terrorists that you're going to pull the troops out on January 1st -- they'll just wait you out.
Other than that very important point, I'm actually not really that different from MHL's and TG's advice. If you go back a couple of pages, you'll see that I was basically telling CD the same thing: "no 2x4s; time to focus on CD."
My views on exposure are a little different than Allen's. I'm generally only in favor of exposing to a very close circle, each of whom you're either entirely sure or almost entirely sure will be supportive of the marriage.
