Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[sandi2]

Here's Coach's thread on boundaries.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1859179#Post1859179

BTW, when I said that you act as if the things she does doesn't bother you? I did not mean that you put up with bad behavior from her. She needs to show you respect. If she talks down to you or any of that business, call her out on it.

A woman "has" to respect her man before she is attracted sexually to him. As the H and the leader of the home...you must not excuse anything that is less than respect from your W & kids.

[john28]

Sandi - thanks for the those insightful words. I will be trying very hard to take them to heart.

The thing about leaving the house when she is there, I know the point is for her to wonder what I'm doing, and create mystery. But, when I return (or before I go) I'm going to be asked what I was doing... especially if I leave the house "smoking hot". Uhhh... ideas on what to say? "I went out with some friends" ? What do I say if she probes even more as far as which friends, who was there, etc.

See, I'm willing to do that. I think it'd work and get her attention. Problem is that I'm not sure I can pull it off without dishonesty, and then does that make me any better than her? What IF she is being 100% open and honest now (like I believe) and I create mystery? Could it backfire?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Creating mystery is not being dishonest, John.

Puppy

[john28]

So how should I answer the inquiries?

[MrBond]

Does she answer your questions? Or does she see them as prying into her business? Be honest with her because you don't have anything to hide.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

So how should I answer the inquiries?

Wife: "Where are YOU going, all decked out?"

You: "Out. Talk to you later!"

(((poof!))) ... you're gone.

IF she corners you and pressed for more:

Wife: "With who? Where are you going?"

You: "Aren't we nosy today? I won't be late -- talk to you later!"

etc.

Puppy

[john28]

Yeah - but she's agreed to transparency... wouldn't that be counterproductive? I don't know, that's why I'm asking.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Has she complied with it?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I just feel like I rocked the boat more now, and that she really is giving up the OM - I just solidfied my insecurity and self-pity by asking for transparency when I didn't really NEED it to continue this M.

OK, then I guess I can't help you, Suma. Why you would NOT need transparency, after multiple offenses, says as much about you as it does about her. In any event, I feel like I'm just beating you up, which I don't really want to do, so I'll just wish you good luck.

Puppy

Ahh yes, NOW I rememeber.

Nevermind.

PUppy

[john28]

I just feel like I rocked the boat more now, and that she really is giving up the OM - I just solidfied my insecurity and self-pity by asking for transparency when I didn't really NEED it to continue this M.

OK, then I guess I can't help you, Suma. Why you would NOT need transparency, after multiple offenses, says as much about you as it does about her. In any event, I feel like I'm just beating you up, which I don't really want to do, so I'll just wish you good luck.

Puppy

Ahh yes, NOW I rememeber.

Nevermind.

PUppy

I think i updated this, but she provided all passwords and cell phone records to me this last sunday when we discussed it in a non-confrontational way. The first time I asked was just bad timing (even though I had everything except FB and cell)

and yes she has complied.