Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it

[CityGirl]

Men don't approach me all the time. I have a large circle of friends and am active in my neighborhood so it's not all that hard to meet people. I don't live in a suburb where I am closed off... I live in an artists community that is urban, walkable, very active and filled with LOTS of people. I am very active in the small business scene so I meet lots of people there too. I live in a "hip" historical group of brownstones with lots of people my age that don't have children so my life is a bit different than those with children. The entire vibe of my neighborhood is very friendly so it's easy to meet people and just say hello.

I happen to meet lots of people at the hospital where my sister works as we have dinner together several nights a week during her break. I also go there for many of my medical needs. If you need to be at a hospital might as well make some friends!

[oldtimer]

Uh, you are showing your baggage and that you aren't ready to date.

Someone asks you over for dinner and a movie, and you are assessing the chances of a LTR? Before you even go out once, you are talking about not getting serious?

I don't think she's looking to get laid, either. She is the daughter of a friend, she probably thinks you are safe. And, you are pretty very loudly shouting here, "I AM TERRIFIED OF BEING ALONE WITH A WOMAN," so, I'm guessing it is pretty unlikely that she won't catch on.

How about: "Hey, I'm newly on the social scene again, and I'm taking things very slowly -- it's a big adjustment for me. So, to be very direct, I'd be more comfortable going out than staying in. Can I take you to see Salt?"

Afterwards, you might think about taking a break. You are still trying to treat STBX as your significant other and still too reactive and still too NOT emotionally D. Back off dating. You are too needy, it will not end well.

[newmama]

OK sorry but I respectfully disagree with some of what you are saying, Oldtimer...from a younger woman's point of view (doesn't mean I am right! )

Salt is a sexy movie and Romeo isn't attracted to #4 (right?). We women READ INTO THINGS and she might get the wrong idea if he suggests that movie. I think that email suggestion sounds all right otherwise. But this #4 is so aggressive that she needs to be told CLEARLY that he is not looking for anything serious or romantic.

I think, Romeo, that dating without getting emotionally attached will be very healthy for you! If you can do it, that is!

[whatisis]

Now, I was thinking "boink" because I thought it was the beach girl! If Romeo has known this woman for awhile it may be different, although I still think she's sending out a dubious message if she's asking a guy, especially a newly separated guy, to her place for an evening alone together. I think what OT said was really good as far as what to say to her if Romeo wants the evening and wants to be clear and upfront...after he tells her he's gay, of course. But I also believe that Romeo is way too new to this separated thing and it may not be a good time to date yet. It's time to go out with a woman friend or just the guys for a good evening out.

[CityGirl]

I must be dense because it would never dawn on me that a movie choice or the invitation to spend the evening (not the whole night, lol, but a few hours for dinner) would mean a darn thing other than "lets hang out".

I mean why all this back and forth? Why not just tell her thanks but no thanks. If she asked why say you don't want to which seems to be the truth. All this thinking over an invite to come over... that is not fun and dating is supposed to be fun!

Why not just get a group of PEOPLE (boys and girls together and just go out? Or just wait for me and T! Her and I laugh ourselves silly daily and you can join in. We are "safe"

[oldtimer]

Newmama,

Lol, I'm a female with a 4-year-old, neither male nor elderly yet, but I might have a bit of a different perspective given I'm not in the middle of a D, I'm past the re-dating period, and remarried for several years now.

BTW, not sure why you think Salt is a sexy movie, other than that it has Angelina Jolie in it, I can't think of a single sexy scene in it, but perhaps I'm being absentminded. I picked it precisely because it wasn't a romance.

Also, FWIW, newly separated, still marrieds, just now getting D people, and so on, are very prone to reading too much into any advance made by anyone. So, while she may be aggressively on the prowl for hot sex, she also might have simply been trying to be nice and fill up her calendar without spending much money.

In any case, her motives and plans really aren't the issue. If Romeo were ready to date, there wouldn't be this kind of agonizing/avoidance/future predicting activity going on. People who are ready to date simply date. They don't consider whether they can deal with a person's hair color for 20 years, or what they need to do on a first date to make clear that the "new R" is not a lifelong monogamous commitment.

[kat727]

Just to throw this in...Salt is in no way, no how sexy. Come on it was originally created for Tom Cruise. Action adventure. Just saw it yesterday.

Kat

[whatisis]

See what you've started here Romeo...bickering over a movie!
Forget dating, it's just not worth all the mental anguish...buy a Turtle...really! Green is the new black.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Sorry guys...I just got home and I'm going to change topic for a bit and talk about STBXW's response to my email about the insurance i.e. me saying if she stays on my plan then I'll keep a running record of the expenses for the final D settlement. Her:


The thing on DD's finger is a wart and I bought the medicine at the pharmacy for her (I'll keep a running record of what I've paid toward her doctor appointments and medicines if you like.)

I did tell them not to shut the water off. Obviously there was some mistake. Anyway, I asked you to change the accounts back in April.

When exactly can I come over to pack my remaining things? There are also photos that I would like or at least like to be able to scan and we have to split up the photo frames. There were also frames on the bookshelf and an xyz picture with DD that I would like. It was taken on my b.day in 2008. Let me know please because the mover is waiting on the dates.

Fine, you can skip the school party if you like as that's up to you. I'm having her party at xyz and I'm assuming you're talking about xyz Farm at the xyz?

Listen, I've already missed my open enrollment so if you take me off then I cannot get on as I don't have a qualifying event. Also, if you want to play around with who is supposed to pay what or who owes more we can go on about that forever. We've both carried one another during certain times so I don't see the need to be picky over it now (seeing as how I kept you on my health care plan from the time we were married until you actually got benefits by working for xyz.) That would be probably 5 years or so. Anyway, since none of this is discoverable in court, maybe you should talk to your counsel about it instead of me.


It's funny how she talks about being picky and then she asks me for $50 phone bills when I'm paying her thousands in temp support. And she's equating things when we were married with now that we're getting divorced! I need a Gucci Loafer response for her!

[newmama]

lol! Sorry Oldtimer! I was wrong on many accounts!

I did see a very sexy Salt clip so I misunderstood!