I'm now healing and moving forward

[ericmsant2]

I have not posted on my own thread in a while and wanted to give everyone a quick update.

Things with the W are still the same - we barely see each other although I am still in the home. Being in the same house is beginning to wear on me. I often wonder what is really in the best interest of the children. From a legally perspective I have been advised to stay in the home; however, it can be tough. It is very difficult to watch the person that once care about you and you about them - show no emotion toward you.

It has become so clear to me just HOW important it is to detach. I cannot say it enough to the newbies just how important it is to detach.

W and I have basically no communication. NONE. She is as distant as ever. I have no idea of what is going on in her life and nor do I really care at this point.

I soooo wished that things could end nicely between us; however, I understand that our views and thoughts on what is fair are very different. The last convo we had (a while ago) centered on the kids and her views remain the same that she does not agree to a 50/50 split.

I spoke to my two boys (16 and 14) and what they want is different. My oldest, who is very close to his mother would like to be with me every friday, sat and sun. My 14 year old want to split his time 50/50. My D does not know that my W has filed so I did not ask her. I decided to ask the boys because wanted to know what THEY wanted for there life. I found out that my W had spoken to the oldest but not the 14 yo, which I understood since the 14 yo is closer to me.

The thought of only being an every other weekend dad still hurts like hell! I understand that nothing is finalized yet but I am worried. The can still feel the anger and I do my best to release it but man it is tough!

I find myself asking "why use the kids as pawns...why". I know that I need to let this go but it is hard...very hard.

It is so clear just how gone she is. The funny thing is that I feel for her. I feel for my kids.

Although I am going thru this cycle - I know that I will be okay. I know that I will survive. This just sucks!

Okay....i'm ready for the 2x4's...let'em rip. And for you vet...I know better...I know...sorry guys...I'm just pissed and frustrated.

Eric