Heavy EA and Withdrawal

[doing my best]

AllenA....

I have monitored her activity to the most that I can. cannot get her work phone calls or emails but I HAVE installed ways to check internet activities. She has given me all passwords and so as far as I can see, the old ways of communication are gone. Everything has been erased and he is blocked on FB.

When I have brought him up in the past she would get mad at me and say she is trying to not think of him but I keep bringing it up. So I decided to not say anything again. Then last Sunday I discovered a brainstorming exercise where she scripted out the perfect life with him. It was some sort of fantasy projection based on the life and honeymoon they had discussed in college. She said it was a way for her to purge her thoughts???? Really????

The EA started because I was not meeting her emotional needs at all. However, now she will not let me even though I want to. I do provide loving actions and try to act as if. She does act as if too....but there is no affection or emotional connection. I believe she is still spending emotional energy here and the therapist believes that she is not "coming clean" and that the OM might still be in the picture either real or imagined.

On the way up here to XXXX for the family vacation we are visiting her side of the family. We did start to have a R discussion and I said something about "there must be something else going on here". She then started to talk about old BF and how when she was in contact with him for the 2 months she wanted to discover what happened because he abandoned her. Then she starts bawling and saying she felt so abandoned.

So we cut it at that because kids in back of minivan. But this did confirm for me that these feelings are still in play AND that is why I started this thread.

I am thinking of approaching her and trying to get her to open up tomorrow night. I want to lay out that I can be a friend to her and let her know that if she just wants to unload once and for all I will be non-judgmental, compassionate, and caring. She has no other close friends to share this with and maybe....just maybe if I can go deep with her....deeper than ever before, she will open up to me and maybe we can get this demon moving out in the right direction. I just hope it does not end up in another session of denial....but my approach this time will be as a best friend and someone who has deep feelings for her.....not as the jealous betrayed husband.

DMB