Year 3: The Long and Winding Road

[ImprovedRomeo]

Wii, you know on my drive home today I was thinking about what you said a few days ago about my fantasy/insecurity that STBXW is having fun and out with guys etc? and you said she's probably hurting and stuff like I am? I wanted to ask you if you think that's also true in your case too? Do you think your stbxw feels the pain and is/was hurting too? If so why do you think they'll stay on the course of separation/divorce despite all the hurt?

Since you read books and stuff...you gotta have some good theories that maybe helpful to hear.

[soleil]

^ I think it's because their hearts have changed...they don't love enough to make it work.

[whatisis]

We live in a world where everything is instant. We're told we "deserve" the best and if our R is not the "best" then we "deserve" something better. Now IR, my wife had found "something better" whereas your wife has not, that we are aware of. That makes a difference. But despite this, my wife had her tears and pain because of our breakup. She knew she was imposing a heavy emotional sentence on our family. But in her mind, it was for the best. She was not happy and had found someone who made her "happy", she could not see having that with me! Therefore the pain is something that "has" to happen, in their minds not a choice. WE also have to remember that people don't just wake up one morning and say "Hey, I think I'll end my marriage", it'a a long process where they become unhappy and can't see a future any different than what is now. I'm not saying that is right thinking but that's what is in their heads, in my opinion anyway. My wife saw our differences and what she wanted in life and didn't think I was "the one". The longer you are married the more it reinforces that we aren't right for each other otherwise we'd be "happy" together. But did she agree to counselling? NO. They've usually got their minds made up long before we even clue in! I don't know if any of this helps you in any way as I'm just thinking out loud.

[ImprovedRomeo]

I think it's because their hearts have changed...they don't love enough to make it work

Yes they're convinced that we're the source of their unhappiness and that life will be better for them without us. And no matter how hard the life actually gets for them and for us they'll never let go of that belief...I know this from when stbxw left me last time and only came back after she got hurt big time.

But in her mind, it was for the best.

This is what stbxw has said a few times in the past.

But did she agree to counselling? NO.

same here wii...I suggested Retrovaille after our reconciliation she never showed any interest.

It did help wii, thanks.

[whatisis]

same here wii...I suggested Retrovaille after our reconciliation she never showed any interest.

I'll go with you! Retrovaille sounds like fun, is it one of those Medieval Festivals? I just love those.

[whatisis]

Brother phoned me last night, he's at the end of his rope. He's packing it in. It's just a matter of picking a date and getting the hell out. I told him to see a lawyer and make sure his ducks are all lined up because STBX may not have money to pay her part of rent and bills but I'll bet she'll have all the cash she needs for a good lawyer! I told him that despite the hell there is a sense of relief for a bit when you leave (despite the loss of sleep!), he replied "but I'm moving in with mom and dad" and I replied "so then your sense of relief will be much shorter than most" I won't go into the latest crap he's been dealing with but enough really is enough. One of his last sentences to me was "I hate this", I think we can all empathize with that statement. I told him I'd call him later in the week to check in with him. Send some prayers his way guys, he's really given it as much as anybody could have. I'm proud of him.

[kat727]

Have you directed him here? You know how good it feels to get tons of opinions and stuff! lol Really it might help if he is game.

kat

[whatisis]

Kat, do you think the BB could handle Whatis and his brother? Be careful what you pray for...

[whatisis]

OK venting time. I went to my bible study tonight and sometimes, just sometimes my fellow Christians drive me freakin' nuts! What is it about swearing that turns these people into raving lunatics, you'd think the odd f word was the equivalent to raping and pillaging an entire city. I get sick of these rants about friggin' swearing. Isn't being Christian more about loving and forgiving others than competing to see who is more offended at people who swear! Holy sh!t, maybe I need to find a church that approves of swearing...or would that be a bar? Well, that's my rant for tonight and I forgive everybody who pissed me off tonight by carrying on about swearing...that's mighty Christian of me, isn't it!
Good night all.

[ImprovedRomeo]

"so then your sense of relief will be much shorter than most"

Wii, do you ever stop? Can I just secretly tape your typical day like a fly on the wall? I bet it'll be instant comedy.

Anyway, I'm sorry for what he's been through and I hope things turn out well in the future. My brother was in a similar situation not long ago. It's been a weird see-saw between us, my marriage was great when his was ending then his (second) was great and mine was ending.

Sure you can always read the bible at a bar, bring the small ones to pass around and collect them back on the way out.