You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Got a call from STBXW. She couldn't stay at D11's tuba practice and asked if I could pick her up. She said I could just drop her off at home, D11 would be fine at home for an hour.

I said I'd just bring her to work so she's running around while I'm entering foreclosure data.

It gave me a chance to stop at home and grab a couple St. John's Wort -- I guess the effect is supposed to build with time.

I haven't responded to STBXW's other texts about Aug. 11. She also wanted to know if I was picking up the girls early tomorrow for my day for the trip to Medeival Times. Well, I don't have to be there until 6:30 p.m. so I texted back that I was working until 5 p.m. It seemed to me she was fishing around for a way not to have to pick D11 up from camp even though it's two minutes from her work and 20 from mine.

No dice.

Back to the grindstone.

[ClingingToHope]

Call from STBXW today at lunch. I'd texted her and expected one in return, but she likes to call. I have a rule that if it's a call from her cell then I don't pick up. That means she's out in her car and it can't be that important. If it's from her desk then it could be an emergency.

No emergency.

She told me D11 would be at the house for me to pick up when I go to get D7 for Medieval Times. She's going to be there from 3:15 until I get there.

"She'll be fine at home for a while."

This is the second time this week she's said this. Yesterday, she told me to just drop D11 at home after tuba practice. I told her, no, I'd just bring her to work.

I'm guessing D11 spent Monday afternoon home alone as well.

I didn't say anything on the phone because really what's the point. I'm just noting it here in case she begins leaving the kids by themselves more and more because of her job. If it becomes a major issue I'll have to say something.

I've done it as well. Instead of dragging them to the store or to a softball game, I'll leave them at the apartment.

I just don't want D11 becoming a latch-key kid. She's a follower and easily influencible. And at 11, well teen issues are starting to come in.

My sister called wanting advice for what she's going through then asked me what's happening on my end -- and I went through 20 minutes of developments.

I guess I haven't totally tired of talking about it. Funny, I was telling her of the few instances on here where the D was done and the WAS came back a year or two years later saying they made a mistake.

I guess I'm still clinging to hope.

I've been trying to get to the bottom of my angst this week. I don't really think it's the court date next week. I think it's more financial issues mixed with a stall on the GAL side of things.

I've been out and expanding my circle of friends. But the church group has kind of stalled. 31 has missed the past couple of events and I think may be dropping out. 35 was at the last one and left pretty fast. This weekend I'm working, which is good, I really need the money. But that means I'll just be out briefly on Friday.

The big summer stuff is mostly over. Tonight will be good with D7 but I guess I'm waiting for the next positive development. Perhaps it'll be renting the house.

I saw the county fair on the calendar. I'll be out of town with the girls for softball. That's good, but it gave me a flash back to last year. STBXW was spotted at the fair with a guy and left on his motorcycle. We had our last good talk the next week and she said he was just a friend.

I'm not sure if I believe that -- but again, what does it really matter anymore?

The Serenity Prayer. Lord, give me serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

[ClingingToHope]

Medieval Times was awesome. I was a little sad during the performance because I thought it would have been nice to do the show as a family.

On the way to the show, D11 told me that STBXW bought D7, now D8, a notebook computer and she didn't want me to know because she didn't want to start a present war.

No need. I'm happy with doing things rather than buying things. I just got D8 a stuffed animal before the show, one at the show and gave her an SD card with 200 or so pictures of her from birth up to last weekend.

She said this morning last night was a great night and was really excited to get her own SD card.

Of course, she's spending the day -- her birthday -- with STBXW and I haven't been invited to anything today.

Doing a lot of work turning my thoughts around. I will have the girls overnight at least 142 nights a year. I have to be on my game those nights. I have seven years to eliminate debt so I can pay for college for D11 because I doubt STBXW will put any money away.

I have 10 years left of child support on D8.

Life is what it is. I railed against my fate a bit last night and this morning. I have to remember that I'm an awesome dad. I am smart enough to clean up my finances and disciplined enough to grow wealth from even the tiniest of margins and healthy and happy enough to enjoy a life full of friends even if it isn't filled with a partner.

I was talking to my sister about having to learn to enjoy what you have. That's a lesson I need to learn.

[whatisis]

I have to remember that I'm an awesome dad. I am smart enough to clean up my finances and disciplined enough to grow wealth from even the tiniest of margins and healthy and happy enough to enjoy a life full of friends even if it isn't filled with a partner.

Even if it isn't filled with a partner yet

Hey, there are lots of positives to not having a partner, believe it or not! I do the laundry and dishes when I choose to do them, not because it might piss off my partner if I don't. If I want to go to a ball game one night, I do. If I want to buy another book, I do. I can sleep naked and nobody cares. And finally, I never have to talk about "the R", which is like dying and going to male heaven!

[ClingingToHope]

Wii, driving back last night I was thinking what I would really like to find in the next couple of years is a good steady girlfriend.

Someone I can spend an occasional night with when the schedules coordinate.

Lightning may strike tomorrow and I fall head over heels in love for someone. But I was thinking about what a great night I had with the girls and right now my time with them is all about them.

If a new person was in the mix and it became serious then I'd have to clear trips with them, we'd have to do the "OP parenting rules" dance. Life would just get soooo much more complicated.

So I will be on the lookout for a new R, but I'm in no rush to find the next Mrs. CTH.

Bit of news today on the house front. The person in the house I want to rent wants to stay in it until the end of September.

That's no big deal for me. I'm comfortable where I am. I just want to be out by winter so the girls don't have to spend all of their time indoors watching their voice levels.

I go through the house 5:30 p.m. next Wednesday with D8 -- D11 will be at horse back riding camp.

I'm praying it's enough space because the first weekend we are there together I plan on having a "who can be the loudest" contest.

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, you are a good dad. You do a lot for the girls and that's awesome because stbxw seems to only do the bare minimum.

Anyway, what a cool idea about the SD card with her pics. Is that for her camera or computer? In other words how does she look through the pics?

Yeah, don't worry abotu Mrs. CTH. I'm kinda of the similar mentality just want a girlfriend as a partner that's it...at least that seems to be my plan for when I'm ready to date.

[ClingingToHope]

IR, I wouldn't say STBXW does the bare minimum. She does the best she can with what she brings to the table. She's not "a get out and have fun" person. She'd rather sit on a deck than go swimming. But she's lavishing girlie stuff on them. STBXW shops when she's down and I'm not there to say, hey, you have this bill or that bill coming up. And she's not spending just on herself. The girls have been in new outfits all summer. It's amazing the amount of clothes they have. From what I can gather, they go clothes shopping at least once a week.

Eventually, though, the bills come due and it'll be interesting to see what happens at that point. That's hitting me right now and I'm going to have to bust *ss working the next two months to catch up.

I'd really like to know now where all the money is coming from. My guess is she tapped a new credit card.

The SD card is for the Nintendo Wii. You can pop it in and see a slide show or manipulate the photos. It's fun and now she has her whole life to play with. Do I secretly wish STBXW looks through them as well and realize how much fun we've been having? Yes, I do.

I will be ready to date the day the D is over. Emotionally, she divorced me four years ago. Physically, she divorced me two years ago. I really enjoyed my time on July 4 with the church group. Just having a couple of women to hang out with was tremendous fun.

I have tons of friends and I have two great daughters. I'm just looking for that third leg of the stool.

[ImprovedRomeo]

I really enjoyed my time on July 4 with the church group. Just having a couple of women to hang out with was tremendous fun.

I have tons of friends and I have two great daughters.

Yes it's amazing what it does to our morale just hanging out with a couple of women- nothing serious just small talk, chit-chat and noticing their body language- I said language

I'm just looking for that third leg of the stool.

Come on wii...I know you want to say something!

[whatisis]

[quote]I'm just looking for that third leg of the stool.

Come on wii...I know you want to say something!

Damn, I missed that one! Sorry Romeo, I'm kind of busy right now researching and building a biblical case for swearing. I'm only one man!

[ClingingToHope]

So I made it through D8's birthday OK. STBXW sent a text about a movie being overdue that was at my place and she wanted to come get it ASAP.

I was still at work, but she didn't need to know that so I just sent a message "I am not at home. I will take it to the video store."

I texted D8 Happy Birthday and she texted back "Thankes Dad Love D8."

I also sent D11 a text, but she didn't respond.

I then met a friend out for two drinks -- she goes out a lot -- then got some sleep to play golf this morning.

Teed off at 5:30 a.m. It was the semifinals of our company golf tournament and I was playing someone much better than me. Still, I hoped I'd have a chance to win, but I started off badly and fell behind and was really down on myself.

And when that happens the other thoughts swirl -- crumbling marriage, shaky finances, part-time dad.

Wow, it was a pity party. Finally, I snapped out of it on the 12th hole and started playing better and just enjoying the round with friends.

It was a dangerous mixture of emotions though for a while. I can see how people just give up. It takes EFFORT to lift yourself out of those spirals.

D11 has an end of theater camp performance in an hour so I get to see both girls briefly. That'll be good. It'll be the last time I see D11 until Aug. 7. She's out of town at horseback riding camp next week.

I've checked with three friends on going out tonight for a couple of hours. I have the co-dependency class until 9 p.m. and I can't stay out too late. I have to be ready to leave for Chicago at 6 a.m. to work the Rock'n'Roll Half Marathon.

I also had to pull $4,200 out of my IRA to settle my half of the IRS problems as well as put a deposit down on the house I want to rent.

Good times. Good times. I hope a year from now when I look at this post I'll laugh because I'm in such a better place.