trust and forgiveness are two very different animals. You don't have to trust to forgive. let's not forget too that forgivness does not mean forgetting.
I've done what I can to "forgive" h for his major lack of judgement with this woman...I've done what I can to try to believe what he tells me of the depth or lack there of concerning their r. I will never forget....does that mean I haven't forgiven? I don't think so...I don't hold it over his head...I don't use it against him...I don't say..hey, you did this thing so therefore I can get even madder at all the little things you now do or don't do as a result of it. If I didn't forgive him for it he wouldn't be here, I wouldn't bother with him...he and everyone else in the world would know that I haven't forgiven him...my issue with forgiveness is not knowing clearly what I am forgiving him for...was there a physical thang going on??? haven't forgiven him for that one cause he hasn't admitted to it, infact denies it...so that bit is still looming...sure people tell me to forgive anyway..it doesn't matter...ah but it does...I don't want to forgive someone for something they didn't do. That's like saying to an honest person...it's ok I forgive you for lying.
trust? well trust is a whole other issue...don't know that I ever did fully trust h to begin with? or maybe I did trust him..trusted him too much...never much felt like he trusted me though...not in matters of fidelity but in matters of trusting me with himself..trusting me with his feelings...trusting himself to be exposed to me...I never felt as close to h as I did when he first came home...he opened a door and showed me feelings and the person I knew was there...I suppose if I saw more of that person I'd trust him more. but then again would I?
