Dudess is right. When you're first dating someone, you look your best. Period. If you look like a bum and say "hey they have to accept me for who I am", well that's your perogative. You'll just find yourself going home alone at the end of the night.
that's how this guy ended up not getting a second date.
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Now there's a difference between dressing to impress and being superficial. That's what I think you're talking about. What woman would want a guy who doesn't know how to take care of himself and look his best regularly?
yes, there's superficial and then there's self-confidence and taking care of yourself.
you really have to be careful with the "this is who i am, take it or leave it" mentality because many times, you will hear spouses being left behind because they've let themselves go. is this not a lesson to be learned? men and women who've gained weight and stopped making an effort for their spouse. and it's not about being superficial but it's about taking care of yourself and loving yourself enough to do something about it and being healthy.
we all have to make the effort and once you become complacent, you're going to end up on the boards here, wondering what did i do wrong? if you can't even bother putting in the effort to look good, will that translate to the kind of effort you would put into making our relationship work? working on a relationship is harder than making yourself look good.
and what is the first thing people tell you to do when you've been left behind? GAL, go to the gym, buy new clothes, get a new hair cut, etc. what does that tell you? the advice is not to tell you to be superficial. it's telling you to look and feel your best. secondly, you have to be able to sustain these changes otherwise the walkaway will know that nothing has changed. looking your best and putting your best face forward has to be your new 'norm'.
i'm not trying to be hard on you, steady. my guess is .. if you met someone who blew you away, you'll make the effort. why? because she'd be worth the effort to you.
