This isn't about HIM being a loser or not being a loser...
The question was:
HOW do I make her insignificant?
To make HER insignificant you need to believe that it was SHE that got the short end of the stick. It was SHE that will end up with a man who can't be faithful and lies. It is SHE now that will deep down be worried that if he can do that to one woman, he can do it to any woman (including her)
The "loser" reference was meant to be a MINDSET for Swimming. It is your MINDSET that will make her insignificant. When you move toward the place that you realize that she can HAVE him (a man who can't be honest or faithful) then she will not only be insignificant in your heart, but in reality.
IN other words, you let HER BELIEVE that she got the BAD part of this whole situation and that you are GLAD... "You can have that "loser" attitude.
She will then start to secretly think.. "what is wrong with him if Swimming doesn't want him. If nobody wants him but me, mayb there IS something wrong with him"
How do I let her know that really she is insignificant in my life now and I have so much more to worry about than what she is doing with hers.
I would be asking yourself the question, why do I allow her to make me feel insignificant?
when you understand that you will be able to answer your own question.
Quote:
Is this normal??
No. I dont believe this is normal at all. What I see as normal and what I would expect to find if my wife found out I was having an affair is either 1) to come home to an empty house and a note that said, "You are a loser. F*** You."
or 2) find all my stuff in a pile at the end of the road, the locks changed, and maybe if I am lucky a note on the door that says, "You are a loser. If you want her she can have you. F*** You."
and I would have no other option but to realize that I have hurt my wife and made a choice that I will now have to deal with.
How do I let her know that really she is insignificant in my life now and I have so much more to worry about than what she is doing with hers.
I would be asking yourself the question, why do I allow her to make me feel insignificant?
when you understand that you will be able to answer your own question.
Quote:
Is this normal??
No. I dont believe this is normal at all. What I see as normal and what I would expect to find if my wife found out I was having an affair is either 1) to come home to an empty house and a note that said, "You are a loser. F*** You."
or 2) find all my stuff in a pile at the end of the road, the locks changed, and maybe if I am lucky a note on the door that says, "You are a loser. If you want her she can have you. F*** You."
and I would have no other option but to realize that I have hurt my wife and made a choice that I will now have to deal with.
Exactly. If I cheated on my wife, I'd expect her to kick my ass, smash my computer, throw all my stuff into a big bonfire, and set a match to it.
It's really odd the psychological reversal that happens when a WAS manages to convince the LBS that it's their fault for everything.
The OW has been reading my posts so I will leave it at this... I have kicked him out multiple times. Last Wednesday I wrote a very honest letter and put his stuff outside. I left the house and went running with my son, when I came back he moved his stuff back in the house. He said it was over with her and he would stop seeing her. I believed him AS I always do because I really believe in him and I know he is a good person. I keep giving him chance after chance because he is my husband...But I want to thank you all for your advice and support and being just plain wonderful..this is not the first time she has read stuff that I posted..only this time I used a user name that NOT ONE PERSON I know would EVER know..I used NO NAMES and I used a fake email address..so it is BEYOND me how she would even find this out! Really...and then have the nerve to tell my H that I put all of this stuff about him on the internet..violated his privacy..baffling..because NO ONE I know WOULD EVER KNOW THIS IS OUT THERE.
One last thing..I want to live my life with NO drama..I want to enjoy every second I have with my children and I want to enjoy my life and the stress and the strain that this has put on my life is no longer worth it anymore. I did let him know last week that he is driving our family into the ground and I am picking up the peices once and for all. I have so many goals and hopes and dreams for my family and I am not letting anyone get in my way. I am taking control of my life because I am not letting this affect my family anymore...Life is too short to live this way and be manipulated and controlled by this. It is a toxic situation. She has told me multiple times that she would leave us alone...always to come back to him and then tell me it is him...I think if a married man with kids was coming to me I would say umm no you are married...just my two cents!
ONE LAST THING..since she is reading my posts this gives me the opportunity to say..STOP harrassing me...I am not fighting over a man. If it is him that you want..go after him just leave me alone. I just want this to end. I am tired of it. It cant go on anymore. If you want to be together so badly then he's all yours. I dont make his decisions, he does. I dont control what he does nor do I have a desire to. So, this is my last post on here. I feel better now! AHHHHHH!
Ha! That's priceless, swimming! So she's read all about your H's back and forth between you and the family and her! And yet she still wants him! Priceless!
You know, if she were a Big Girl (thinking she's not) she would see what a game this man is playing with both of you. She would see how she has volunteered herself to be used by a man. She would see how she has contributed to bringing down a family. She could see all of these things, RECOGNIZE HOW SELF DESTRUCTIVE SHE IS, and extract herself from such a pitiful relationship - FOR HER OWN SAKE.
Time for some BGPs, OW! Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
