Do the 180s so you can respect yourself and to keep things at a better place in your relationship. Don't do them to try and win him back. I've been here a short time but have learned much. Go read the quotes that are posted - I think there are 3 threads of them. It helps to get your brain around what is going on.
Don't think too much about what H is thinking/feeling b/c chances are he doesn't know himself. Live your life in a way that YOU want to live it and can look in the mirror and say "this is who I am" (and not that crazy lady that was a reaction to my messed up M).
Are you getting out at all with friends or hobbies? Can you appreciate the good things you do have in your life?
I agree with this ^
Your sitch sounds like quite a challenge, but what LRT says is what you have to do. Forget about H right now and live the life that you want and can. Focus on building your skills and being the best parent you can. Just do your best to take care of yourself and your kids for the moment.
Sorry I don't have more sage advice. I'm still pretty new at this myself.
