I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

OK I am refreshed from a full night's sleep....am going to share some embarrassing confessions because this thread makes it easy to bare all, lol!

did some annoying things on the date....

I was narrating stuff like "ok got my keys...put the purse away...check the ticket..."

I think this is because I narrate for S??? Or I have been living alone too long? lol!

I was concerned about using the paddles the right way, staying with the group, following directions. So not sexy to be self conscious!!!

At the bar, after a hoppy microbrew, I felt relaxed and moved in for the kissing first...I said "aren't you going to kiss me?" (blush!!!) HE SAID "No." and I felt sooooo embarrassed and rejected and it brought me back to when stbxh SUDDENLY stopped wanting me sexually. (Boy, does this mean I am sooo not ready to date or what? Too vulnerable!) Of course I played it off with zoobrew and said "oh, really? fine!" then he started kissing me a couple of minutes later. Argh! I was too impatient...we had spent 5 hours together at that point and he didn't even touch me at all up until then. I mean not patting my arm or anything like that!

Up until the bar I was thinking that something must have turned him off to me...something I said or did while kayaking? So when we sat down to drink some beer, I started to sit in a chair across from him and he patted the spot next to the bench where he chose to sit.

You can imagine how relieved I was to see that he wanted me to be physically close to him. I was thinking maybe he had put me in the "friend zone." I guess once I sat next to him I was sure to rub my knee against his. And then a little while later is when I asked him about kissing me. You know this is all because I have been deprived for so long!

Of course I asked him EARLIER on the date if asking him out meant that I was aggressive and he said "no...I really liked how you said 'let's get a beer sometime this summer' because it was so low key and open. No pressure."

And then I go and put the pressure on by pursuing kissing with him? arggghhh!

I guess because I am thinking "fling" and not "relationship" that I am not following the rules. Maybe for flings, you still need to? I guess for one night stands you don't, but this is in between a one nighter and dating exclusively. haha! OK analyzing is over now....

going to have a fun day with S!