I am personally at a point--just got here--where it is clear to me that I am just happy, and if STBXW is not happy, then she will find her own happiness with or without me, and the details of whether that is with or without me or whatever is irrelevant. Her unhappiness or happiness is her business, and just like I wouldn't want anybody to be unhappy, I don't wish her ill or anything. What will be, will be.
Totally agree. I've had two epiphanies in the last month and a half; the first is that I truly love my wife, warts and all. The second is that my love, my efforts, what I do can't make her happy, that she's responsible for that.
I wish I had known this a long time ago. I might have been able to act differently when things hit rough patches, instead of just withdrawing. But that's the past, and we're both here with who we are now.
Accepting someone is tough. I know I have huge flaws, as does my wife. I love her, and wish that she could accept me for who I am, but she never has. And that's a deal breaker. I can make changes to myself, but I can't become a different person.
