Oh, she's definitely looking out for her needs, just as I am. That's not why she's self centered. She's been that way since our first date.
The fishbowl metaphor is perfect. I can see what she's feeling, how she's acting, and I'm not letting it affect me anymore. I totally sympathize with her as she's drowning with all the consequences of our failed M. But I'm not letting that control me anymore, not letting it affect my feelings or actions.
I still love her, and yes differently than when we first dated and got married. That's natural over 13 years. I'd love for her to accept my love unconditionally, and for me to feel safe to give it to her that way. But she can't, and I can't. That really moves us out of limbo and towards divorce.
I do understand how she feels. She's drowning in fear, in guilt, and doesn't have any skills to cope with those feelings. In the past, I've been her support system, and she's trying hard to figure out the solutions herself. I'm not blaming her for how she feels, I'm just understanding how she's viewing the sitch.
