My wife felt like the last two weeks, where I had dropped the rope, that I was becoming cold and detached. So it's a fine line.
It just means you don't get it yet. Dropping the rope doesn't mean you are cold and detached. It means her problems are her problems, you are busy taking care of yourself, you don't get baited into a fight, you will let her come to you when she is ready, you are responsible for your own happiness and you won't waste energy on pursuing her. Be a cat whisperer.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Well, she felt that since I generally avoided bringing up the R, that I was dodging her. Maybe it's just a matter of presentation, but most of what I did was textbook DB, and she took it the wrong way. As DR says, sometimes there's just no repairing a marriage, and I think that's my sitch. It's a relief in many ways to not have to keep hoping (and worrying) about every thing I do.
I've taken care of her for 13 years, so it's hard to do
Did it work?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
No. In fact, that's one of the things she mentioned last night, was that she felt she needed to be on her own, to show that she could be independent and self-reliant.
Ironically, she really wanted someone to take care of her. She never wanted to be involved with the finances, and let me make most of the big decisions.
One thing that I've noticed with my W is that taking and owning responsibility for her actions is hard. Yesterday I mentioned that "when you leave" and she got upset at the word leave and leaving. Felt like I was trying to blame her for everything. I said no, there's no blame, and I think you're right that this isn't working. But she's very touchy about the blame thing. Guilt at what she's doing to me, to our daughters, everything.
Same thing here Pin, but my W does not think I am blaming her when I tell her if you wanna go, go. But she does not feel that there is any "blame" on her side for what she says, or hasnt done yet. I guess they will feel it at some point, what they have done and what they have lost.
My wife had a conversation with my sister in-law tonight. She's a evangelical Christian who believes that wives should submit to their husbands. To say the least, that didn't go over well. Plus my W read some emails on my computer from my mom and now is convinced everyone in my family is "against" her.
My wife had a conversation with my sister in-law tonight. She's a evangelical Christian who believes that wives should submit to their husbands. To say the least, that didn't go over well. Plus my W read some emails on my computer from my mom and now is convinced everyone in my family is "against" her.
She's very self centered and insecure.
Well from her point of view, she's 100% correct, everyone is against her. I know we turn to family & friends for support but when it comes to this stuff, I think it backfires, you get those people to support you, to be on your side and then what happens when the dust settles, say you guys actually reconciled and worked on repairing the damage that's been caused so far. She still has to concern herself with the pressure of everyone's opinion's and gossip on the situation, negative thoughts, feelings all focused on her, not a fun place to be.
I don't know that that is accurate. My mom's email was full of advice for protecting my W legally, and my sister, (whom W works with) has been very supportive.
Now W may "feel" like everyone is against her, but I think it's more a case of feeling guilty. She knows this is going to hurt our children, that it's hurting me, and deep down, I think she might even know it's hurting her. Tough sh#t.
I went out after I got off work to look at bicycles; I've been riding a beat up mountain bike, and wanted to look for something a bit more performance oriented. She got very concerned, asked if I was going to spend money, etc.
When I got back, she had just finished the disastrous call with my SIL (I told her that she didn't have to talk to her, but she wanted to get her "side" of the story out). She said that my brother and SIL were less human than most people.
Then she went into the pity pool and started saying how hard it was to here that I'm thinking of buying a bike or motorcycle when she's going to be so poor. She got really upset talking about it, and then said she couldn't talk anymore and went to bed.
She asked about the sleeping pills I'm taking, (Simply Sleep, over the counter) and if she could take one. I said take two, and she said, "What, so I die?" I said the dosage is two and left it at that. She wanted me to follow her to bed and try to talk more, but I just restarted the movie I had been watching.
She leaves tomorrow for her "Couples Weekend" and I'm glad she'll be gone for 3 nights and 2 days. I really despise drama queen behaviour, and it's a wonder that I've stayed with my W for this long.
It is good that you have been detaching from your W. I think your W being gone for you will be good for you to have some time to just be you. You will get to spend some quality time with your Ds.
Hang in there.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
