We live in a world where everything is instant. We're told we "deserve" the best and if our R is not the "best" then we "deserve" something better. Now IR, my wife had found "something better" whereas your wife has not, that we are aware of. That makes a difference. But despite this, my wife had her tears and pain because of our breakup. She knew she was imposing a heavy emotional sentence on our family. But in her mind, it was for the best. She was not happy and had found someone who made her "happy", she could not see having that with me! Therefore the pain is something that "has" to happen, in their minds not a choice. WE also have to remember that people don't just wake up one morning and say "Hey, I think I'll end my marriage", it'a a long process where they become unhappy and can't see a future any different than what is now. I'm not saying that is right thinking but that's what is in their heads, in my opinion anyway. My wife saw our differences and what she wanted in life and didn't think I was "the one". The longer you are married the more it reinforces that we aren't right for each other otherwise we'd be "happy" together. But did she agree to counselling? NO. They've usually got their minds made up long before we even clue in! I don't know if any of this helps you in any way as I'm just thinking out loud.
