Surviving the Big D STINKS!

[BeginningAgain]

Hey Mrs. A - how are you doing? I just got through spending a few days in the great State of Michigan (drove right by Ann Arbor - unfortunately time did not permit me to stop!)

BA

[Mrs. A]

After a month, I'm back. My brain's been fried. I swear, I feel like I can't put 2 words together to form a F****** sentence, let alone complete a normal thought.

Now Mr. A and I will be at court on Wednesday for a final divorce decree.

In the meantime, I have to do TOO MUCH at work. I've not been spending enough time on these boards, nor have I been spending enough time reflecting...

I have a couple of practical questions for you guys--

1) Mr. A and I met for mediation on 7/12. At that time, I asked that he be patient with me and he agreed. He's done more since then to carry out our agreement than I have. Trust me, I'll get around to it eventually. I'm just too busy indulging myself with other things at the moment, like watching TV. My therapist says that this behavior is not cool and kind of passive-aggressive. What do you guys think?

I don't feel like "hopping to" just because we went to mediation. All of this is sooooooo annoying.

2) I kind of would like to call Mr. A tonight or tomorrow night, just to let him know that I will see him on Wednesday. I don't want to do this to be mean. I'm missing him fiercely!

Again, the therapist says, What do you hope to get out of that contact? I don't know, just to hear his voice one last time as my husband?

Is that a bad idea? I mean, what's the harm now?

Any advice on either topic is much appreciated, though I may not be back online until tomorrow night.

--Mrs. A

[BeginningAgain]

Hi Mrs. A. I know the whole process stinks especially when you are not in favor of getting the divorce. I don't know if I'm the best one to give advice in this situation or not. I have "fought" the divorce for more than 2 years now and I'm not sure I am any better off. In your case it looks like the your H is intent on moving the process along. Not doing anything doesn't necessarily help you in my opinion. The mediator could look at this negatively on your part and possibly award your H more than what he should get. What is that your H has done to carry out the agreement that you have not?

Regarding calling your H. I understand your therapist's question on "what do you hope to get out of that contact?" I suspect your answer is "to change his damn mind about getting divorced!" It may not be the "DB way" but I can certainly see your desire to call him - I mean you're getting divorced on Wednesday so what really do you have to lose by calling him up? I would probably want to do the same thing. Others will undoubtedly tell you not to, that you really have nothing to gain and it could make matters worse.

So with that in mind, if you do call him maybe take this angle as an opening: "Hi H, I just wanted to touch base with you regarding Wednesday's meeting and see if we are still on the same page." Try to make it open ended and get him to maybe carry a bit of the conversation and give you some insight as to where he is. Do not get emotional and plead with him. Just an idea. Either way I hope Wednesday is not too difficult for you. Remember that although right now may seem like life is terrible, with time things will get much better for you.

BA

[newmama]

WOW, great advice, BA! I agree 100%! Mrs. A maybe you are putting it off because it is so damn depressing, too! Not just to be manipulative. Why do you want to talk to him--Do you want a closure talk or something?

[Mrs. A]

Nope, NM, I don't want a closure talk - I want a reopening talk. Did I mention I'm a slow learner?

Truth is that hubby has been pushing this along -even with his equivocation- and I have continued to kick and scream. Really I'm looking for crumbs here. I want hubby to say he still feels something for me. I would even be satisfied if he said he was going through with the D but would still think about me now and then...

Intellectually, I know this is sooooooooo lame. Why do I want anything to do with him?

But emotionally, I just really feel like we're not done. Hence the urge to call, with the hope that it might open up lines of conversation - even if it doesn't stop tomorrow's progress.

On another note, I emailed the lawyer yesterday and said that if he expects me to sign anything tomorrow, he should email it to me by 6 today so that I can look it over. I haven't checked yet.

I will do that now.

[Mrs. A]

HA! I DID get back a lame email from the lawyer and I sent him an admittedly super-immature response, wherein I happened to call him a douche. My exact response:

"You are a true douche."

That's it! Now just so you all know, I KNOW that is COMPLETELY childish, but I don't care! I'm behaving badly and I'm sure karma will bite me in the ass, but whatever. I've been too good for too long.

Soooooo..... the lawyer saw that response in like 15 minutes and he was PISSED. He wrote me back and copied Mr. A. It has been my only laugh of this whole stupid day.

The point? Life goes on. Yes, I am crying about Mr. A. I mean literally crying at the most inappropriate times. But I must admit that I cracked up about his lawyer's hissy fit, so I guess I'm not totally gone.

Holla!!!

[Gardener]

Mrs. A., I am sorry for your pain and the sudden crying jags, but

HA! I DID get back a lame email from the lawyer and I sent him an admittedly super-immature response, wherein I happened to call him a douche. My exact response:
"You are a true douche.
That's it! Now just so you all know, I KNOW that is COMPLETELY childish, but I don't care! I'm behaving badly and I'm sure karma will bite me in the ass, but whatever. I've been too good for too long.

Belly-Laugh Of The Day Award!!

I've been too good for too long.

Damn straight. You're entitled.

[BeginningAgain]

Mrs. A,

Agree with Gardener. I'm sure today will be tough - wishing you the best!!!

BA

[Mrs. A]

Thanks you guys. I'm off to a slow start this morning. Think of going back to Lake Michigan this afternoon. We'll see how court goes...

[BeginningAgain]

Hey Mrs. A. - how did your meeting go today? Are you doing okay? I hope you decided to retreat up to Lake Michigan - although I would be a bit jealous. Would love to be watching the lake tonight!

BA