there seems to be very few (if any) "DO's" in terms of potential positive actions one can take to help their MLC spouse through their crisis and thus successfully their relationship. Why is that?
There is paradox that exists with this and if you take this path you will know it to be true.
It is this
By your own choice not to really do anything,
not to control, pressure, interfere, not file for D, not to engage in another R, not force Not even to say I love you (there is pressure even in this)
You actually are giving them the best thing for them right now.
Your vows( if they are important to you) said you would love and honor.
You are honoring her with respecting what she is telling you she wants. You may know or think that is not what is best for her.
BUT
They her choices. Honor them.
Also
You must do this so you can work on yourself.
You can't do that when you are caught up in the maelstrom of W's turmoil.
As you experience this you will understand...
IMO one of the greatest "gifts" we get from this is the understanding of how to express this kind of love for our spouse.
The letting go kind that says to them I will love you no matter your choices or your burdens.
She feels guilty Radio whether she expresses that or not, whether she acts that or not. The more you tell her you love her the more guilt she feels.
Show her by your actions (or rather inaction) that you love her.
Your actions, your DO's should be for you and you only.
BUT
You can think that your sitch is "special". I assure you that you will find it is not.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
