Nothing new on my end. Staying Dark. Wh did text D he so recently shafted and said "How are the boys". She replied "Fine" Never heard another word from him.
Work is still great for me. Enjoy being busy throughout the day. Reread the resources last night - all of them, just to muscle me up.
Oldest D called and told me that grandson Ethan (9) is talking to Great Grandpa ( H's Dad) on the Internet. They both get a kick out of that, and I want Ethan to retain his relationship with him.
I know exactly how you feel about the NC thing. To have gone 28+ years with contact everyday and now H makes little to no contact at all. I feel like I am the only one grieving. I don't understand it ~ but as Cat, Brooklyn, Gritt, and the crew preach ~ I have to love from a distance. I am trying to do this by not bad-mouthing and if people ask what is wrong with him I answer "I'm not sure what he is going through but I am trying to respect him by giving him the space to figure it out."
As with everything I'm learning about LBSing...it works today - maybe not tomorrow - but I'll use it today:) Keep the faith and do the next right thing:)
PS - I re-read the resources CONSTANTLY!!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Switched to my thread because I didn't want to 'hijack' the other. From the best I can tell, OW has broken up two marriages, and has two children with a third name. She is the polar opposite of my husband other than their common job with the Army. As most all MLC'rs he is doing things he would never consider doing before. His money situation, I can't be sure because I detached myself from his in record time. He is on the hook to pay for the house and utilities for up to 18 months while we try to sell.
I'm often confused if I'm holding out for love or spite. I'll always love him, but life is so much more peaceful with him gone. At the present time, I can't imagine any situation in which I would take him back, but tomorrow may feel entirely differently.
I do expect OW to decide H is entirely too much trouble and hit the road. She's 34 with prospects. He's 48, body worn out by deployments, and facing forced retirement, not to mention the alcoholism and PTSD.
Despite our 20 years of marriage, I'm not sure it's his strong point either. And I may leave those pieces to community service workers along the highway.
Sorry about the horse show, but as they say "God works in mysterious ways". Maybe it was his way of giving your little one some more time to advance.
Yesterday-I'm just confused "Busting" seems to be the exact opposite of "DB'ing" and all it stands for. As for me, after a brief, 2-3 night hiatus, the damn dreams are back.
I do feel that it is better that the whole thing is out in the light now, he can't hide. He's trying to make some people think his wife is "crazy" because she's been trying to get him medical/mental health help. And, I still feel he feels everything is my fault.
One day at a time, but some days are darker than others, aren't they?
I could have it wrong, but the point I was trying to make is that 'Affair Busting' and DBing advice is for the most part opposite. If you believe your S is going through MLC, affair busting doesn't seem to be recommended.
Affair Busting is gathering intel and in your S's face exposing to anyone who you think would apply pressure to end the affair.
Doing that kind of thing to a MLCer would push them over the edge and justify their fast trip to divorce court.
In terms of MLC time Punkin, your H is still in the beginning. He still does blame you for everything. That's why you've gone dark. It gives your H a chance to find out that life still sucks even though Punkin isn't there to blame for it. Hopefully this causes your H to realize that you're not to blame for his issues, and just maybe he'll start to look inside.
The ow during this will just add pressure to your H not realizing that she's dealing with someone going through a crisis. It will suck to be her.
Some days are darker, Punkin. Use them too. Use them to propel yourself forward and figure out which direction you want your journey to go.
I think it is all timing, no matter which board you are on or whether your spouse is in WAS or MLC, timing is everything.
If you read the 6 stages there is a quote that says "the wrong word at the wrong time can send them scurrying back into the tunnel." I might be paraphrasing.
However as Jack said he did expose. So did PDT. And many others. The results are mixed. The ones that timed it properly did fine, other sent their spouses scurrying backwards.
I do not think any of us are qualified to tell someone else what that proper timing is by reading a bunch of words on a page.
Thank you and I agree with you both. I just find it bizarre that in my case the OW did the affair busting. I understand why she did, insecurity on her part, but to our kids, our parents, his ex-wife. What kind of sick puppy does that?
Someone who is sooo insecure! Someone who is a piece of shiznit... someone who has no f'in moral..I could go on but I think you get my point.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
