Oh, I'm not saying one is worse than the other BUTwe read over and over that it is the secrecy that makes the affair so spicy. It the LBS outs it, there goes the secret fantasy.
In my case, I agree that she was making sure that my H came clean with me, she didn't trust him to do so, so she took matters into her own hands. IMHO, she hurt herself moreso than me when she outed the affair. She risked her marriage, his marriage, his job, and her job. Not the sharpest tack in the drawer.
