This is GREAT insight. To correct, I do have a job, just not one that pays that much.
BTW - My H called and left me messages at work for the last 3 days (today, and yes, even Saturday and Sunday). I just charged my cell phone and noticed he also called and left messages there. He also emailed me several times today, saying: "I have not spoken to you in a while and can you let me know if you are alive..." Well, I have NOT returned a call or answered email. What is this saying..him calling/emailing?
QS, yes, while it was not laughable to me when my H wanted to throw me out, it is FUNNY now because the nerve. I caught him and the OW and he wanted to throw me out of the marital home?? Seems ludacris I know. The issue I have with our home is that he bought it originally when we first moved in together. He never (and I never asked) that my name be added to the deed. That is why he pays the mortgage.
He also tried to get me to change my mind about exposing because he said that he would have to tell his security people at work that he was being threatened (with exposure of his affair) and that he would fail a lie detector to protect me because my future would also be impacted.
I think he may have been living with her before his departure (not sure, although I was listed a guest during his entire stay at an Extended Stay hotel here in our hometown). I did the occasionally drive by to see if his car was there. Oh, I also have her license tag number and I know the make and model of her car.
Should I call or write the JAG office? I brought up the core values of the military and he laughed in my face when this all first exploded, that is why initially I figured it wouldn't make a difference because he didn't seem to care if I told his commanding officer.
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
Either that or he doesn't know how much impact the road he's on will have to his military career...
SD, you have some choices to make...
but I usually reccomend you go with the hardball approach of exposing and waiting it out...
The military owns your husband right now, and any of his misbehaviour...
I think he's banking on you NOT bringing the authorities involved here...
He will be angry with you that you did it but you can look at it this way :
a. If you don't expose the affair has a significant chance of continuing... Some affairs on this board have run over 3+ years... With little sign of letting up b. If you don't expose he may end up filing anyways... And you will be in the same spot as you fear you may be by exposing - him filing for divorce c. If you DO expose, it will have a strong chance of ending the affair d. If you DO expose it will open up a chance to work with a family therapist.. I assume that's going to be what the military would most approve of him doing e. If you DO expose he will be furuious you cut off the source of his addiction - but I have never met an alcoholic yet who didn't rage when you locked the liquor cabinet on them
It looks like the military will protect you from him doing anything aggressive... You can always call JAG and research all of that...
My advice is to expose the affair NOW while he's overseas.. it will give him three months to cool off...
We can draft a letter with you on the forum here inviting him to formally end the affair and attend family therapy when he gets back... you can even send a copy of it to any of the military authorities that are concerned.. they may go easy on him if he agrees to follow your terms in the letter
It looks like the military will protect you from him doing anything aggressive... You can always call JAG and research all of that...
BZZZZTTT. WRONG. JAG don't care WHO has done something wrong. They lie OUTSIDE the normal chain of command, and are given special powers delegated by Congress. It doesn't matter if a 2 star General did something and his 3 star commander orders JAG to back off. Only very certain people can order a JAG investigation to stop. Much like the Secretary of Defense CAN'T order the FBI to stop investigating one of his Deputy Secretaries. They are in completely different chains of command.
JAG is not going to feel bad about investigating a Captain. THEY will decide what to do, and will accept ALL RELEVANT INFORMATION. They may even direct you to Family Services in order that you are able to protect yourself well.
Quote:
... you can even send a copy of it to any of the military authorities that are concerned.. they may go easy on him if he agrees to follow your terms in the letter
That all depends on how much his actions have been "Contrary to Good Morale and Discipline". If he ROYALLY screwed up on MILITARY PROPERTY, it is going to be a real bad time for him.
Just exposing and getting JAG to notice can also have an extraordinary effect. See my posts about that.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/26/1011:08 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
I want to expose the affair to EVERYONE (his sisters, his best friend, his boss, his commanding officer, his other male friends and their wives, etc.). My mother and sisters are already aware of his affair and they cannot accept that I still love him.
I was so sick over this a few months ago, that I ended up in the hospital.
my H will BE UPSET and spew HATEFUL words and actions. He will TRY to put me out of our home, but my L told me that he cannot do this without a court order. Even though I cannot file any suit against my H while he is overseas, he can file against me.. that is what I understood. So really, if he is so upset, he can file for D as early as January 2011 and probably be granted the divorce.
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
The issue I have with our home is that he bought it originally when we first moved in together. He never (and I never asked) that my name be added to the deed. That is why he pays the mortgage.
Have you checked into this, and confirmed it? What state are you in?
Depending on the state (mine -- FL -- is a "community property" state, and our home, that I closed on the day before we got married, became half hers the moment we married), you may or may not have a real interest in the home, regardless.
Another question SD, I had to ask it, but it needs to be asked.
Is there any risk that your H may react violently?
In many cases here after exposure the LBS will post here saying things like "I have NEVER seen him that ANGRY... He was a completely different person."
I don't recall any actual violence coming from exposure but I would like to confirm with others.
Particularly given He will be back in three months and you share a home its very important that you think this through...
You COULD have a friend stay with you for the three months and have them stay there upon his return as well.
The issue I have with our home is that he bought it originally when we first moved in together. He never (and I never asked) that my name be added to the deed. That is why he pays the mortgage.
Have you checked into this, and confirmed it? What state are you in?
Depending on the state (mine -- FL -- is a "community property" state, and our home, that I closed on the day before we got married, became half hers the moment we married), you may or may not have a real interest in the home, regardless.
Worth looking into.
Puppy
In am in VA. It is a community property state. But my H (at least prior to him deploying was very adamant that I would have to move out if we D.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
Another question SD, I had to ask it, but it needs to be asked.
Is there any risk that your H may react violently?
In many cases here after exposure the LBS will post here saying things like "I have NEVER seen him that ANGRY... He was a completely different person."
I don't recall any actual violence coming from exposure but I would like to confirm with others.
Particularly given He will be back in three months and you share a home its very important that you think this through...
You COULD have a friend stay with you for the three months and have them stay there upon his return as well.
My H has never been violent or raised a hand to me at anytime.
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
OK, if you think there's just going to be a lot of TENSION and verbal argument, maybe some yelling and you can deal with that then my advice is to expose his behaviour and remain in the home. Invite a friend to stay with you as well if you can.
Prepare a letter to send to him as well while he's away that you will send after the exposure.
It won't be an apology, but you will tell him you want to save your marriage and he's got a chance to do that if he's willing to take it...
How do you think he would react if you exposed him to the military and then invited him to work on the marriage?
