Naej and Matilda, My W and her mother do housecleaning and organizing weekly for several hours. I think she has a right to ask me to partner on the housecleaning. She also wants to get out of the role of reminding me to do my share. My response was one of validating her concerns. I told her I would do small cleaning tasks on a regular basis (about an hour per week). I think that would be reasonable. We're not talking Cinderella here.
I'm not trying to restore a M, as it was dysfunctional. I'm trying to improve myself in areas I need to, and am prepared to address major boundary violations. I'm seeing if I can move into being better partner. If I do this, I feel that I've made a good effort, even if it fails.
I've learned that the way to approach her when she has a complaint is to validate, and come up with a proposed solution as quickly as possible. I control the solution, and will determine how high the hoop is. We'll see if my approach gets her to back off on the nagging.
She has what are seemingly some OCD patterns, and overwhelms herself with details (the princess and the pea). The less she has to monitor me, the less stress she will have. The less she has in her life that is not being managed, the less stress she will have.
We don't have a M yet, but hopefully both are growing into one. We have more connection than roommates, and probably qualify as friends.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
