That was a very good response. I like a little fire in a person's belly. something I usually have tons of! part of the problem My point is that you still have decisions to make. Has your situation changed? from yesterday? from last year? has he changed? have I changed? have we each changed? has neither of us actually changed cept for the way we look at things? What is your opinion? on what? Are you going to forgive this man for straying? see that's the hard part...forgive him for what? for having a secret friendship with this woman? for falling in love with this woman? for not realizing early enough his role in how things got to where they were? for feeling like he had to leave? sure those things I can forgive him for..it is when I start to loose faith in him and wonder if he's telling the whole truth about ow...was he screwing her 3x a week? for that no, I cannot forgive him...at an earlier point I may have but since he has (possibly) lied about it for so long and since that was one of the biggest things I was lacking in the r...I think the roof would come off the house if he changed his story on that now..but then again the truth is the truth and it is what I want and is in part what is keeping me from comletely forgiving him. I cannot just assume he's lying about it because that's not fair as it is possible that they never actually did anything but it also doesn't seem fair for me to be left holding this question either..why is it that I can't fully believe his answer? am I expecting that he would be like me? would I let it get physical? and of course if it did get physical my forgiveness may depend on at what point it did...color] Can you be happy in this marriage? the reason for most of my unhappiness with the m was that I thought h didn't really care about me...so my question is can h be happy in this m? can we both be happy in this m? the answer of course is yes. the real question is can we both do what it takes to remain happy in this m and keep it going?
I do understand that this is a roller coaster ride for you. And I have looked at your subsequent posts. Yes, you do bitch, moan, and complain. That's ok. But at some point you have to stop. Tell us about the positives.
Quote: it is only when I sit back and stop looking for what it is I think I want and look at what I am getting that I realize I am getting what I want and the things that I'm not getting I can ask for and will be more likely to get if I am already looking at the r as positive and just looking for a little icing, instead of constantly acting like everything depends on what I think I want.
Thus I suggest that you read this book: "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings" by Lynn Grabhorn. The basic ideas of the text is that we get back what we give off. This might help you. I'll look into it, thnks
LL, I see your oscillations. So all I have to go on is what I have heard you say and what I have seen you write. And one of those things was that you didn't know if you wanted to be married to this man. I think that's a pretty normal thought to have on occassion...the problem is when that thought is the dominant one.
So, I will leave you with this question. Have you decided that you are going to be married to this man? uhm? that decision was made over 6 years ago..the question is am I going to be happily married to this man? and more importantly...what am I going to do to ensure that I am happy while married to this man? IMP
