Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it

[whatisis]

DD said the other day that she can't play or watch movies on mommy's computer. I asked why is that? she said because the computer can't do Netflix. Awww made me so sad that I almost sent STBXW an email telling her I'll come over and set up the wireless stuff for them but I resisted. I don't know...I might still?

Um, three words...don't do it! WTH is wrong with the video store? STBX can go there or, if she really needs it, she can ask you! It's not up to you to decide how DD spends her time at mom's and having the movies at your place makes DD's time with you that much more special.

[Nikita Belle]

Well, I don't know- I always respect her advice, but I think Alice is a bit nicer than me

You wrote:

"If you want to stay on my plan that's fine but you'll have to reimburse me for these costs like you're asking me to reimburse you for the petty sh*t."

What would the tough guys say? Not sure. And yes, I realize this is a "different" emotion for you- and I think it's progress!! The anger has to come after the hurt for you to move forward- but remember the opposite of love isn't anger/hate- it's apathy, which is what we're presumably all striving for. It's part of detachment to not show them ANY emotion (IMO) about how what they do affects you, unless it's really extreme and you can state it calmly (e.g., if it concerns your kids, I think that might be an exception). I.e., you don't give a F*** about what she does- privately thinking that it's sad that she's gotten so petty and she's pretty lame to be caught up in this nickel and diming- but it's all business now, except where it concerns DD. But you could say something like this which is less personal:

I believe I'm required by law to keep you on my plan until X, so if that's true, I'll comply with the law. As soon as it's legally feasible, I will be removing you from my plan. [Robx might add- forgive me Rob for speaking for you: "this is part of the consequences you chose when you left our family- you'll be responsible for paying your own way now." ] I will start a running total of all reimbursements you need to make to me, including this, to be settled at the time of X. I will also have A, B and C included in those expenses for which you need to reimburse me [if you want to be slightly petty, these can be petty sh!t you list]. This document will become part of the legal filing I do with my L, resulting in the final settlement. I've also kept all copies of emails/receipts for things I've already reimbursed you for, should any question arise.

That puts her on notice that you will be tracking all of this stuff and expect payment. If she wants to continue to be petty, so be it. I hope you're tracking everything already and not feeling bad that she can't afford to pay you back, etc. I guarantee that any health insurance premiums will be WAY more $ than the petty stuff she's asked of you. AND, if she can afford private school, she can damn well afford health care.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Wii, thanks for the advice!

NB, thanks for your advice and help too! Is apathy really the opposite of love? I thought it was hate lol

I really like your response but then I have to balance it out thinking I don't want her to make the D even harder than it already is.

Maybe I'll heed Alice's advice this time. I don't know I can't decide...

[bluestar]

I would suggest an email to your L before you send any message regarding the insurance. Make sure you know what you are required to do and what you are likely to win in court. Personally, I agree that she SHOULD be required to reimburse you but I don't think it's likely that you'll win that. No need to add more emotional fuel to her fire if you can't win anyway.

I like NB's thinking but now might now be the time to employ it. However, you should be keeping the record as she indicated. Just in case...

BTW- I hope that you've gotten a solid agreement in place regarding school. Based on her past behavior, I can see her coming after you for school expenses even though you think it's settled, especially since she's going to start there before your D is over. Make sure it's in the decree exactly how it's supposed to be paid.

[newmama]

Romeo- first, BITCH stands for Babe In Total Control of Herself.

She is sweet, but she does not live for only her husband.Meaning she also has her own interests and life, her own opinions that may or may not be the same as her "man's," and is not a looks obsessed, helpless, gold digging female.

So what do you think of that definition, lol? Is it true? And why are there so many books about how to read men or what men want but not so many about women?

[newmama]

The women- interesting dating scenario! So even without dating, you are at least getting validation, right?

Letting women down- say "I need more time before I start dating" or "I am flattered, but I don't feel a connection and don't want to waste any more of your time."

About your daughter- by all of her talk about "so and so has more toys, I want to watch netflix download, etc. she is testing limits of course, that is soooo 7 year old! lol! They feel safe when we say no and set limits....it makes them feel taken care of. No matter what she says, you are being a terrific daddy just by spending TIME with her, doing things SHE likes to do! Sorry, not that you asked for my opinion, I am such a B.I.T.C.H! (haha!well not in TOTAL control of myself!)

[ImprovedRomeo]

Hey if you're a BITCH that makes me a MITCH or a GITCH.

So if she's sweet that's all good by me then. I do think that both the man and woman should make eachother their first priority. That's just me.

As for why there aren't enough books about women? I think the scientists are still researching your kind...maybe some day they'll understand your kind enough to write about it lol

I think there are lots of books out there about women, probably more than men. I can summarize a guy in 5 sentences where it'll take the library of congress to summarize a woman. I'm only half joking.

So the 4th girl has been texting me constantly. The other day she asked if I'd seen Salt yet? I said no but I'd like to. She said she'd go with me since she wants to see it too. I said OK.

Well she just texted me saying she got the tickets 'for when we go'...I texted her back 'you got the tickets really?! OK.' she said 'yeah let me know when you want to go' so I was thinking and didn't respond for a bit and she texted again 'so up to you when you want to go'...so I replied suggesting a couple of days and she picked one then she said 'so are you going to have a curfew? haha' because the other day I said something about it so I replied back 'don't worry it'll be later than yours' she replied 'hahaha you're so funny!!! sounds good'

So again, I want to go to the movies and stuff but I can't really go beyond just being friends right now. I know I can be such a girl sometimes but I'm in touch with my inner MITCH - or something along those lines.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Blue, thanks for the advice and I did email my L on Fri still haven't heard back sigh!

[soleil]

I know I can be such a girl sometimes but I'm in touch with my inner MITCH - or something along those lines.

Omg! I love it. Am over here laughing.

Letting women down- say "I need more time before I start dating" or "I am flattered, but I don't feel a connection and don't want to waste any more of your time."

Oooh I like this!

[newmama]

Romeo, that 4th girl is waaaaay too aggressive, don't you think? I mean her texts are annoying and insecure- ok I am harsh- bugging you about when to see you again? So that is what you meant by texting 10x a day versus an occasional "hello text!"

good one on being a MITCH!

Sorry that women are so complicated...last night zoobrew said that all men need is sex and a sandwich. I think because he is 10 years older, maybe he wants that old fashioned sandwich? Or does that mean sandwich represents nurturing?

Anyway IMO women need:

attention+protector/strength+pampering

Attention: ask how her day was, compliment her, appreciate her

Protector/strength: the man knows what he wants, has a stable job, keeps his woman safe(lol)

Pampering: cook her dinner, rub her feet, buy her favorite chocolate