Near WAW with EA - almost textbook sich

[doing my best]

Puppy....as I have researched I see many behaviors of mine which became controlling but not is a "don't do that" and jealous kind of way. Negative comments, you need to agree with me, do it my way, why do you want to do that, as well as angry outburst related to stress. I see much of my behavior here. When this first came up she said she was wanting to tell me but afraid of how I would act. However....I do keep your word of caution close to the vest and will continue to consider all possibilities. I still do not trust her.

Since my last post I have acted as-if. It has been tough but she is acting friendly too but no further baby steps. Although I cannot go into another room or outside in the evening without her following me and just being there. We drove to XXXXX yesterday for the family vacation. 16 hours in the car. I tried to open myself up to deep conversation about a variety of topics w/out R talk. W likes to talk. That is another issue with her over the years that I am not a deep intimate talker. So my 180 is to push myself and engage rather than cut short.

Anyway....intel update....W has used the computer alone. No unusual activity, secret email accounts, etc. very clean sites visited. FB but just looked a friend sites and no concerning key logging. She has passed that test SO FAR. If she has a secret phone, it will be with us here in XXXXX. I have checked the luggage and all hiding areas. Nothing. Will stay vigilant.

I may post something on the infidelity site. Want to delve more into EA and withdrawl. This EA was very strong. This OM was the guy she was supposed to marry and he did abandon her without any reason. Has haunted her for years. Not making excuses but trying to fully understand what I am up against.

DMB