Quote: ..is content to just say "that's just the way they are" or "that's just the way I am" or "that's just the way it is"
... and that's how things got the way they were to the point that it almost fell apart forever!!!
The way he was when he came home is how he got to stay home in hopes that it won't return to the way things were.
How can there be two ways he is ? I don't buy that. He has to understand that if he lowers the bar for himself, he is fostering the same ill results to reoccur again. Does he really want to relive that again?
Quote: h is a conflict avoider...doesn't confront...doesn't argue..doesn't solve
which is why he can't be approached as you are on opposite sides on this. The approach needs to be that you are hoping he will team up with you to help nuture a good thing rather than letting it go sour. Being indiffrent doesn't work because people are emotional creatures and those emotions need to be attended with positive interaction to maintain positive emotions. Without constant nuturing, the postive emotions wither and die only to be replaced negative ones.
Now there will be times where our spouses will be incapacitated to the point where they cannot assist in maintain our positive emotional health and we need to be able to rely on our own strength for during those "draught" periods ... but to expect to live a lifetime with someone unwilling to assist in helping keep our emotional state positive is unrealistic and would for most unwanted.
Uh-oh ... looks like I managed to get some venting in on your thread ... or wait ... that's right ... I guess you're still considering this my thread?
