looked at some place to move today - I guess I will be moving out.
Why??? We covered this!! You (rightly) moved back into the marital bedroom, and withstood her little hissy fit. If YOU move out now, you can forget ever getting her respect back -- you will have CAVED.
Sorry PDT, had a weak moment. We had another session today and she was still locked into "It's over, no need to work on it", even through discussion with the C she continued to re-wrtie how things happened and guess who got the credit.
During the talk I realized the she has always tried to control our lives and that she would not let me into her life. She would be vague about everything even something as simple as "how was your day" and when I would try to ask about it she would get defensive and push me away.
I told her that I had decided that she was right about our marriage not being worth saving and that I needed to focus on myself and finding someone that will love me for who I am, respect me, and want me in her life.
Her only reaction was "I'm happy for him" when asked how that made her feel.
She gone and I have accepted that, time to move on. I am thinking about keeping the house. You were all right in that I was just trying to keep things "nice" when she said she wanted it. She will be pissed but then again I don't really want the divorce and she does not care about that.
My W is in the same place as yours, except she already HAS filed for D. It sucks, but I am starting to get over it and putting together my game plan as to how to go about various aspects of the D. I have GAL and W seems to be getting more stressed out.
All or her grand plans are imploding around her and she is going to have to accept the "facts" at some point and come out of her fantasy world. I'm through caving in and being afraid of her reactions. Now, I just do what I want to do and don't care what she wants or thinks. It is a better place to be.
Once you start maiking the decisions, doing what you want and pushing this thing along, she may change her tune. Time and patience.
I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going better, but you DO sound stronger. Remember, we are here to CONTINUE to support and help you as you go thru this, NOT just when you think that you're about to successfully bust a divorce.
I really appreciate the support that everyone gives here. I'm sure there will be numerous times that I will need more and at least now I know exactly where to get it.
thanks all and I'll keep it up to date.
just got back from L, going to look into some numbers and see where we are at with the house and kids. Also mentioned that they could probably get info on that cell number W keeps calling. Thinks is might serve a purpose even though infidelity is not a reason for D here, it might help in spousal support if I need it
isn't it amazing how fast trust is thrown out the window. I've done nothing in our 18 yrs together for her to have any concerns but she is all about hiding everything now. I asked for simple info, that I should have had access to anyway, her pay stub (I know I should have gotten it before now) she asks why do I need it. Answer, it is just part of this process and that's that.
She accused me of locking her cell phone account and digging through her purse this morning. I've done neither.
I guess this would be considered normal since she is trying to distance herself from me. I actually don't care (at least not right now - this seems to fade every so often and I have to catch myself) that she is mad at me, but this is what she wants and I REALLY fell like telling her that when she starts this kind of CB.
