Puppy Advice

[steady]

so next time, i should just be blunt and slam the door shut?

No. Don't be blunt, leave the door open. Have him text you and email you constantly. :-)

i did get hung up on his feelings and i didn't want to be mean.

So not being 'mean' put you in a position where he doesn't respect your feelings. See how they went backwards? Speaking the truth gets labeled as being mean. It's not mean to answer a question authentically. Do we need to walk around telling every overweight person they're fat? No. But you do need to put your real self out there.

he asked me what i thought of him and whether he was the man i envisioned in my dreams (here's the puke bucket).

Only insecure people need to ask what someone thinks of them.

i paused for the longest time. i didn't know how to put it. so i said no, you're a lot broader than i thought.
i really did not have any good words for him.

lol @ broad. "I don't dream of men."

if you want me to be my authentic self .. this is what i really thought.

I don't want you to be your authentic self for me. I want you to be it for you. It's something I'm working on and it's really freeing and liberating. Why do we have to hide the truth? Why do we have to pretend to be something we aren't? Why do we have to wear a freakin mask?

he basically made himself sound better than he really was in person.
he kept saying that his body was a temple.
uh .. his body was stocky .. looked like he was on 'roids but started to let himself go.
he looked like he was 10 yrs older than he really was but dressed like a teenager, had the manners of a cow, and doused himself in half a bottle of cologne.

Red flag - when a guy brags about himself he has emotional problems like a lack of confidence. Confident people don't talk about their confidence. They just exude it. They know they are so they don't need to point it out.

if you are interested in a woman and you want to impress her, you have to dress to impress. a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers is not dressing to impress. also, you ask her about her. i asked him questions but he didn't ask me anything. so no, i don't just go by physical appearance. i evaluate the entire person as a whole, and buddy, that was not impressive.

maybe it's from the db-ing but i don't go out looking like a rag. i do my hair, make up, clothes, a great pair of shoes and handbag. i also don't check my manners or intelligence at the door.
when i make that kind of effort, the person sitting across from me had better be making the same kind of effort. i don't think i'm asking for much. don't take this as me being cocky. it's knowing what you want and not settling for less.

is that what you mean by being honest and my authentic self?

YUP. That's you - how you think and feel. Now if you don't show that picture and authentically speak it, how are you going to attract someone with the same values?

I read what you wrote and I feel different. I'm not going to dress to impress. I'm going to dress like I normally do. Why? Because if I put on a show, then 6 months later start becoming 'myself' she's going to sit there and say, "You used to dress much better." So she fell for the show and not the real me.

So if I was on a date with you, and I said, I dress the way I dress and I don't dress to impress. Now you feel - 'I think a person should dress to impress', but you don't say that because you like me and you're afraid of what would happen if you actually said that and disagreed with me. Then there is no authenticity and I don't know I'm dealing with a person who feels the opposite of me. The R is now being built on something other than the truth.

Wow, that looks an awful like most relationships. The honeymoon period ends and the 'real' people show up.

Think about this - where do you think your M would be if you were absolutely authentic the whole time? No buried feelings, no going along so you don't make waves, no accepting a R below the kind of standards you wanted.