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ya know it would be nice if that guy who started this thread would return to it...I feel like a squatter

So you're looking for more than my two cents worth, ehh! Sorry I haven't been around much, but I have been keeping up when I can, and I have been thinking a bit about your quandary, but haven't been able to come up with a response that would make sense of my scattered ponderings, but let me give it a shot.

Your post this morning seems to re-affirm that the gist of your underlying frustrations come from the belief that you are now as close in the relationship as H will allow you to get. The current level of emotional intimacy has too much distance between you for you to be happy with accepting it.

LL, there is nothing wrong with that, but let me ask, what level of closeness can you accept to be content in M? Now, we all want to be greedy and want it all! ... but what if you don't get quite all the pieces? How much of it can be missing and you still can be happy?

Now I ask this because you have brought it up several times lately how you wish like him to revert back towards the way he was when he first came home. It wasn't perfect, but could you be happy substaining that level of the relationship?

Where I'm going with this ... I think ... not really sure, but please bear with me a moment ... is ... in his current frame of mind the D has been "busted". He's not going anywhere! ... and he probably believes in all the effort you worked at for the past year that you're not going anywhere too! So now there is nothing more that needs to be worked on.

He doesn't realize that if M is left to stagnate, it will deteriorate to a point where neither is happy anymore again.
In order to be a M where both are happy, both need to work at continuing to strengthen the bond between them.

At this stage, the two partners need to work together towards that common goal. I think you are going to have to approach him about working towards that in order to get there. You know he's capable. He did more of it last year. He stopped! Why? I think you're gonna have to let him know that in stopping he is endangering the health of the M!

Yes, you have tried to talk to him in the past only to be thwarted by his belief that "No matter what he does, its never good enough!" That's why I had ask those questions above. In order for it to work, you are going to need to remove this hurdle. Before approaching him, you have to be clear in your mind ... what is good enough. Lay it out as the "ground rules" of what will make you happy being married to him and he has the right to ask the same of you.

Spell out "What is good enough" without it being everything, so that if he does work towards those things, you can turn that this mornings post around to ... you do feel he is married to you because of you ... and you can accept it.

LL, take this for what its worth from a guy who is still dealing with a W that is still in runaway mode (atleast in her mind) , but perhaps changing your perspective from you are no longer dbing to "bust" a divorce, but rather honing your dbing skills to build a stronger bond between the both of you and in order to do that you are going to have to tutor H some in how to do that and I tried to write some of this down in a way where you hopefully can pick out a few key phrases that he may be receptive to.

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that said I wont be waisting anymore of your or my time posting about my sit anymore.

Well, I hope I wasn't too late in trying to formulate my additional 2 cents .

'til later,
KAW