Well, I don't know- I always respect her advice, but I think Alice is a bit nicer than me
You wrote:
"If you want to stay on my plan that's fine but you'll have to reimburse me for these costs like you're asking me to reimburse you for the petty sh*t."
What would the tough guys say? Not sure. And yes, I realize this is a "different" emotion for you- and I think it's progress!! The anger has to come after the hurt for you to move forward- but remember the opposite of love isn't anger/hate- it's apathy, which is what we're presumably all striving for. It's part of detachment to not show them ANY emotion (IMO) about how what they do affects you, unless it's really extreme and you can state it calmly (e.g., if it concerns your kids, I think that might be an exception). I.e., you don't give a F*** about what she does- privately thinking that it's sad that she's gotten so petty and she's pretty lame to be caught up in this nickel and diming- but it's all business now, except where it concerns DD. But you could say something like this which is less personal:
I believe I'm required by law to keep you on my plan until X, so if that's true, I'll comply with the law. As soon as it's legally feasible, I will be removing you from my plan. [Robx might add- forgive me Rob for speaking for you: "this is part of the consequences you chose when you left our family- you'll be responsible for paying your own way now." ] I will start a running total of all reimbursements you need to make to me, including this, to be settled at the time of X. I will also have A, B and C included in those expenses for which you need to reimburse me [if you want to be slightly petty, these can be petty sh!t you list]. This document will become part of the legal filing I do with my L, resulting in the final settlement. I've also kept all copies of emails/receipts for things I've already reimbursed you for, should any question arise.
That puts her on notice that you will be tracking all of this stuff and expect payment. If she wants to continue to be petty, so be it. I hope you're tracking everything already and not feeling bad that she can't afford to pay you back, etc. I guarantee that any health insurance premiums will be WAY more $ than the petty stuff she's asked of you. AND, if she can afford private school, she can damn well afford health care.
