I don't get that she cannot regret the path she took to make those positive changes in her. That she couldn't do it on her own. You did.
Okay, I'm not sure what you should do now. MC sounds like a good thing. But, until she can feel bad about ripping your family apart just to make herself feel better, by having an A, I just can't see where your next step should be. It opens up the possibility that she will do this again.
Are the positive changes in her noticeable? What changes is she talking about that makes her not sorry about loving this OM? Seriously, I don't get it.
Just some thoughts.
Hi BeingMe-
I agree 100%, and I have considered asking her that. She can see the positive changes in me, and yet she still clings to this notion that it was her A with OM that was pivotal in changing her life. In my opinion, her A has actually DELAYED her doing her real work.
Like I said in my last post, she is going back to see our MC. We'll see what comes of that.
Absolutely, unless I see real remorse and regret, how can I be sure she won't do it again? If she sees nothing wrong with what she did, what would stop her. These are the things I need to tell her.
Yes, she does have noticeable changes. She is much calmer, much kinder, much more patient. She has a light fun demeanor that was missing during much of our M. She hasn't told me herself, but I know from the brutal intel I saw that she gives OM credit for showing her how to love and be loved. She doesn't get that he had absolutely no shared responsibility with her, that his distance gave him the convenience of picking and choosing how he wanted to include her in his life, that when push came to shove he chose NOT to move here to be with her. In fact, after he told her he wasn't moving here, he tried to push her to move to him, even though it would have meant leaving her kids. I'm sure in her mind she still gives him all sorts of excuses, it was unfair to ask him to uproot his life, blah, blah, blah. I don't think it would do any good for me to point these things out. Why don't her friends do that? All they do is validate and support all her ridiculous decisions. Even our rocky reconciliation attempt, they were all on board with it, after she told them all sorts of vile exaggerated stories about how terrible our M was, how bad I was to live with, etc, etc. They seem to have no backbone whatsoever when it comes to calling her on BS. My friends have been BRUTALLY honest about what they think about my deicisions, and I thank them for it.
