I did discuss my lying issues with the counselor, he said people lie about little and big things to avoid confrontation. well that about hit it on the head. He said you have to learn how to deal with the confrontation which will take the lying out. As Pin said in order to rebuild trust, do what you say, say what you mean and that boys and girls is what I am going to foucs on.
People may not realize it but lying is also a form of control and manipulation. If you've ever been accused by your spouse of being controlling, if you lie regularly about little or big things, it is a way of controlling your spouse.
You see when you tell someone the truth, you can't control their reaction, their reaction based on whatever you told them is up to them, you can't control it.
When you lie to someone, you lie to them to control their reaction to whatever you had to say. Let go of the need to lie to someone, to control their reaction.
Lying to someone to avoid confrontation is your way of controlling your spouse and her reaction to whatever you've done or whatever you have to say. Maybe you're afraid of her responses, maybe you just don't want to deal with the nagging & arguing.
So you've identified that lying is your way of avoiding confrontation, I've given you some methods to help shorten arguments & confrontation that doesn't involve lying.
Looks like you had a good session with that counselor, who knew talking to a professional could help ;-)
