I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

Haha! Cook me? With the heat we share between us, I wouldn't be surprised!

Red, since I have babysitting and stbxh takes S overnight a few times a week, I am able to get out. And as for getting out- my savings is dwindling and I know I won't be able to keep this up! Am looking forward to not doing anything on Saturday night and not even tonight if I can help it- need to sleep!

Well the date lasted 9 hours with some steamy kissing at the end! I think he may be my Dr. Feelgood- and maybe he is my "HEALER" lol!

I HIGHLY recommend kayaking...it was super relaxing and easy. I didn't flip over and was a little nervous at first about coordinating the oars with him, but it was fine. He was patient and I caught on! But he also didn't talk me through it, like stbxh would!Oh well. At the end, the teachers said they call the tandem kayaks the divorce kayaks because couples usually fight in them.

It was so weird to hear him describe things about his exW that matched stbxh...zoobrew and I both were the planners, the talkers, the messy ones, the outgoing ones, the workaholics...

our "exes" are quiet, non adventurous eaters(lol), organized/anal retentive, take charge, but good as parents to the kids, and didn't have many friends outside of the marriage.

In their marriage, they rarely argued, worked very well as a team together. De ja vous...

But at the beginning of the date, things were a little calmer on his side. He was so much more reserved and guarded and I wasn't this time! But I relaxed still and helped him feel at ease! So while we are eating dinner, he gets a phone call from his son

"Dad, mom says I can go to camp if you pay for half." Well, he just gave her $4000 and he takes them places like the beach and Oaks Park or to the mountains, buys them clothes. She just wants more and more money. (I know this is his version but get this-- his son says "we are leaving tomorrow for San Diego and she needs the check tonight." SO put 2 and 2 together...)


I was so peeved that she was using the kids to communicate with him like that...he said that the kids would call "can we stay with mommy another night? She said we could if it's okay with you" and stuff like that.

Well he did say to his son that he would arrange for it and said "your mom needs to be the one to talk to me about this."
He said she went to school to become a nurse, got a boob job, got her belly button pierced, is dating man after man... will say "I only want to communicate through email" and then call him the next day. I was thinking about everything I learned from this site and books about how to nip that behavior/cycle. But kept it to myself of course!

So then he tells me that he and his ex girlfriend were together 3 years....she got along well with the kids but had ANGER issues like she would throw things and break things and get into rages!
I told him that would scare me. I could not live like that. I would be too frightened. He said a buddy told him to look into co-dependency and see if he met the criteria. Yep. But he wasn't before her. He started learning how to not be that way and went to counseling to improve himself. (hey, that's good!)

THEN HE TELLS ME that they are taking a break...from April to August something. He told her to get help for her anger management. He hasn't talked to her at all since then and doesn't know if he wants to resume the relationship....she also wasn't able to be warm and affectionate with him.


OK SO my thinking is that we are both in a good spot for harmless fun+affection. And that is why I am breaking ALLLLL the rules like talking about exes, and being forward if you know what I mean. I still won't pursue him, though! And hopefully we can go out a few more times and enjoy each other's company, then I will go back to work and be by myself and continue to grow and improve.