Wasn't that a song? Kat just wants to have fun! I think the point I was trying to make re my family marriage issues was that we take more crap from people than most would because negative interaction was just seen as a part of marriage. My mom would rip a strip off my dad in front of people and it would just be another day to us. Once he asked her to stop doing that in front of others and the next time she let one slip she said sarcastically "Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm not supposed to embarass you in front of other people", of course, this was said in front of other people. So we just got used to this kind of interaction. So when my wife became cold, rude, hurtful and shaming I would brush off more than most people would. Maybe if I had of been more willing to confront the behaviour rather than let it slide by it would have made a difference. Who knows but it's something to consider when searching for Mrs. Whatis 2..."Take no [censored]" will be my new motto. I do remember when I and Mrs. Whatis 1 were first dating she used to complain a lot about me such as "why don't you call me more often" rather than "I'd really love to hear from you each evening" or "all we ever do is fool around" rather than "I'd really like it if we dould do something special next Friday"...there are ways of approaching people re issues which don't utilize mild shaming but are positive and relationship builders. But, becasue I came from a family where shaming and attacking was a way of life, it didn't occur to me that maybe this just wasn't OK. I just went along thinking it wasn't such a big deal...well, it really is. People should treat others with the same love and respect they want to get themselves. Shaming, guilting etc is no longer the way Whatis wants to have a R and will not allow it in the future. Mrs. Whatis 1 came from a very dysfunctional family here yelling, screaming, infidelity and aggressive struggles for control were normal. Maybe not a good combo! But hey, we lasted 17 years, something must have worked there for a while. Presently Turtle and I don't have that kind of R, we drink beer togeher (OK,it's Root Beer), fart and watch football in our undies...well turtle is a little more modest, he keeps his shell on. But, can that Turtle belch...it's incredible to hear him belch a Mozart symphony, what a treat! Later DBers, I've got work to do.
