Here now E. Comp time limited to work hours. 6am CST to 2pm.
If my W is gone and I want to let her go (detach) isn't keeping myself in the picture and forcing things to get messy and her to do them a tactic of sorts.
Hell yes I want to be around my kids as much as possible. I want to be there when the little things are going on and know when the thunder comes that I will be the one they come to...for another year or so anyway...
Listening to my gut has gotten me a swift kick to the snardlies thus far. her detaching I thought was midlife dilemma and decided just to give her space...all the while she was detaching and drifting farther away...Not listening to it when I knew in my heart there was someone else cost me too. I think a big part of it all is that I DO NOT TRUST my own judgement anymore.
If I listened to my gut right now I would have stayed home today and read a book to escape and wasted a vacation day that could have been spent with my kids.
I am so effing fustrated and tired and clueless that these things I once thought no brainers are cause for indecision. I want to fight her at every turn and make her journey down this path as slow and worrisome as possible. My W has NEVER liked confrontation and I would love to make this one big confrontation, but isn't that a detriment to my cause? I know things are supposed to be me me me and the kids, but how do I tell them that when I had a chance to see them all the time I decided to fight for the house ect and risked losing the time with them?
Right now wife works a minimum of 2/3 closes a week and other days is not home until 6:30. That gives me all the home from school time, dinner, and late night til 10ish (when I am ready for bed anyway)on the close days and weekends as well when she works them, which is often added to my own weekend time.
It is unfortunate that men have to face the reality that women have one of their rare leg-ups on us in the preferential treatment they recieve in court. ALSO- my kids are of age at 13 and 14 in my state so they could be asked to chose a parent. I would never want to put such a burden on their shoulders.
I go over and over all this every day as things progress and part of the fustration IS wondering if I am not putting up the fight I should. I fight a seemingly unending battle within myself every day over the whole mess.
Show her the evidence/ don't show her the evidence. I see some folks contacting the OM or the OM's W...should I go there? Should I plant myself down on our bed, tell her I bought it, I planted every effing tree, bush, flower in what was once a moonscape of a yard? Should I say while other guys were out drinking it up and buying new Mustang GTs, that I was coaching BBall and taking kids here and there and going to school full time to make our futures better and that if she thinks I am goiung anywhere she is out of her flippin mind?
I get many GREAT and HELPFUL people who I have more thanks for than they can know trying to help me here and saying do what I want to do-what's good for me...Problem is I have no damn clue what that is right now.
Got rambly there, but as I have said DB is so theraputic for me that I do use it as a sounding board for my thoughts and have the outstanding added bonus of all these people taking time out of their days to help me try to walk this path.
