Only that this sounds like a difficult situation. Your support network has been broken, and that's tough. I know first-hand how that can work against you (I am a corporate orphan: the company had me travel so much for so long, and my friends have all moved away), so I can empathize.
You say you are on a "small base", so are folks rotating in and out of deployments and being shifted around a lot? Things like that can undermine your sense of security if you let them. It's tough finding that sense of steadiness only within yourself.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
yeah, people are always coming and going. i am trying to find a routine to fall into but with my work schedule, it is my routine. That and I feel alone in my situation. I either have guys that only care about meeting new women out here or guys who talk about nothing buy their spouse. And to top it off, I get to watch people getting excited about going home on their breaks. I look forward to seeing my kids, but I am scared to go home.....
I try not fall victim to my wandering mind, but it's hard. Anytime that happens, i stop myself and concentrate on a happy memory with my kids. That does the trick for now. Hopefully I am not sounding too bad. I am really trying to keep a positive attitude, and I am doing a lot of looking at my peronal issues. I just feel selfish, or maybe its just harder to look at my own issues than it is to worry about my marriage's issues....both are just as scary as the other in my opinion.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
Be careful in the conversation that you do not tell her how she feels. That makes a woman furious! Don't lecture her and try to get her to be reasonable. All those actions point to her needing to be different and makes you look "controlling".
It's more about listening to what she wants. Then it's about what you want. Here's the thing, you want to sound strong and confident in place of being freaked out. You want to sound sure of yourself and not pleading, whiney, etc.
When I was a WAW, the more my H made statements about fighting for our M, or statements like that....it turned me off soooo bad! You don't have to tell her you are standing for the M. If that's what you want....then just do it. I really think the less you say about your feelings....the better.
Ok...she emailed me about an hour ago to let me know that she was home and that I could call. I'm excited to talk to my son, but I will have to talk to her too of course. Should I apologize for sending those initial emails, or should I just leave that alone? Thx, and I am sorry I am coming across like a teenaged girl. I just feel like a fish out of water right now......
Last edited by GoG8trz; 07/27/1004:51 PM.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
Ok....I just finished up with my conversation. Everything went well I think. I stayed strong, and kept my feelings in check. We only talked about the kids and what was going on in their worlds and what was coming up up in their schedules. It was actually pretty nice, and I enjoyed it. My voice was calm, and everything stayed in check. It probably helped me talking to my son first, he put me in a great mood!
Last edited by GoG8trz; 07/27/1005:52 PM.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
The thing i am wondering now is what should be my next step? She hasn't told me anything as far as what she wants. She has only told me what she feels. I'm not trying to be the optimist, but she has not told me that she is getting a divorce, or seen a lawyer, or anthing that she is going to do. She has only told me that the is tired and she is done. That she does not want to mislead me, and will not say I love you to me.
Is it me, or could she just be really hurt with me right now and not sure of what she wants to do. Or maybe she is lining everything up and hit me with one big punch. Its hard to say. I do not want to push her, and I will not. I want her to bring it up to me. I want her to tell me how she is feeling and what she thinks is best for her. I want to know this so I can plan accordingly. My gut instinct is to run home now, but I have a lot to weigh out. I have job to consider, and if I am to take care of two kids, that job is kind of important.
The other thing that complicates things is that she friends with a lot of my old coworkers wives back home. If I was to come back right, and try to keep my job, I know word would get out. I do not want to be the one to jump that gun, especially since I haven't even heard to word divorce or lawyer come from her mouth yet.
I know that I am starting to ramble but hopefully someone out there gets what I am trying to say. I want to do whatever is necesarry to keep my family together, but at the same time make sure that I will be able to take care of them in the future.
Thanks, GoG8trz
Last edited by GoG8trz; 07/27/1006:48 PM. Reason: left out an important not
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
Your thinking makes sense, in that it seems to fit the "Pay no attention to ALL of what they say, and only HALF of what they do" that we try to go by around here.
But the problem with it that I have is, you are FLYING BLIND, with no good intel in place. All I have to do is look back at my own sitch, and see the times when my wife was openly talking RECONCILATION, when my GPS turned up she was at her bulldog attorney's, quietly scheming DIVORCE and CUSTODY. Or telling me that she wanted to try marriage counseling, while my snooping revealed her telling her brother that "I'm only going to MCing to get Mom and Dad off of my back, and so the kids will think I tried."
I still say you need more, good, INTEL.
I mean, re-read your opening paragraph, and tell me what the flaw is:
Quote:
The thing i am wondering now is what should be my next step? She hasn't told me anything as far as what she wants. She has only told me what she feels. I'm not trying to be the optimist, but she has not told me that she is getting a divorce, or seen a lawyer, or anthing that she is going to do. She has only told me that the is tired and she is done. That she does not want to mislead me, and will not say I love you to me.
I know. I just do not have a way to get that intel very quickly. I am flying blind and I do not have a way to get anything. It pains me to think that I have to snoop to find anything in the first place. So are you saying that I should just go home so I can find these things out? What if I do and find out that there is someone else? Then i have to come back here knowing that. I guess it would give me answers.....Should I just get home asap, or wait for here to atleast give me some sort of clue as to what her intentions are?
Last edited by GoG8trz; 07/27/1007:05 PM.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
And I'd much rather be dealing with TRUTH, anyway, so that I could do something about it. Can you honestly possibly get much more worked up than you already are anyway??
I'm just a big "fix the hole in the fence first" kinda guy. If something is preying upon my family, I want to know that FIRST, so I can secure the perimeter and know who my enemy is. THEN I will deal with him.
