I've worried the same about pushing my W to D. I'm far more detached than I was the first two weeks, and my W is reacting to it (instead of me reacting to her). It's hard to trust the DB strategy, but think of the alternative; begging, pleading, and pursuing is never going to work. Ever. All it does is make you feel worse, and push your WAS away.
Pin- (I think you, like Romeo, need a new screen name )- thank you so much for dropping by. I WISH I could post more specifics and details here to grab people's attention, but it's not safe to do so.
Isn't it interesting how they react? Mine I think has stopped reacting to my detachment and it seems he's DBing me right back sometimes. I don't know if I have a DB strategy anymore- or if I want him. Definitely don't want him how he is now and I guess that's all I have to go on. You're right- begging, etc. won't help. I was thinking more like ML and being nice but still detached- not asking him to change his mind, but basically, letting him eat cake and see if he came back for more on a permanent basis...
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Cake eating is a big problem in limboland. Though I wouldn't mind ML with my wife, it's not going to happen. Instead she's taking baby steps to separate, since she's so scared of the unknown. Part of me thinks that a good dunking in reality will make her regret leaving, but that's just my usual optimism. [quote]
I will try to catch up on your sitch as soon as I can- are you guys still living together? I think the dunk has to happen for them to wake up. Mine seems to think I'll continue to do things for him (and some, I do) and not realize that things like ML do not usually continue through a D.
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If you can stand the heat, stall or halt any actions you take towards the D. Make him do it. It'll be hard, but if you're doing your 180s, GAL, and being happier and nice in general, it's easier for him to see than if he moves out and your contact is limited.
The hard part is that most WAS aren't thinking, they're feeling. And depending on if there's an OP in the picture, there feelings are apesh#t crazy. Guilt, fear, anger, love, all mashed into one skull.
Hang in there, and God be with you.
Well, I'll be the one who has to move out- long story with details I can't post. I will try to let him do the work- esp stuff that can be done whenever like filing papers. What it's coming to is me getting close to needing to move (there is a deadline in a few months- or whenever I can't stand it anymore) and therefore wanting/needing some financial and custody matters worked out beforehand. So I don't know how much stalling I can do.
I don't know that I want to try to DB someone back who treats me poorly and doesn't want me. You know?
)- thank you so much for dropping by. I WISH I could post more specifics and details here to grab people's attention, but it's not safe to do so.
