Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

Thanks Puppy - that really helps. She's open to the letter, but it's been about a month since any contact with OM at this point. A letter might just fuel the fire. Maybe I can have her write it, and say I'm going to send it, but never do so? I don't know.

Tonight was MC. Apparently I haven't been DB as best as I thought. She described me as needy and clingy even while I've been DB. Mostly physical contact, and she gave several good examples. That's probably why the b-day dinner went south really quickly after getting home - I was way too touchy and stuff during all of it. I think if I would have just backed off and initiated no contact the whole night it might have turned out differently.

MC talk was interesting as well. MC kept honing in on "Why don't you want to reciprocate love to your H?" questions and W just kept saying "I don't know. I don't know why" She kept asking her over and over and the wife really admitted that she didn't know WHY she couldn't reciprocate love to me when I'm doing all the "right" things (short of being touchy/needy).

Anyways - I brought up that I was deeply frustrated that there was no physical intimacy in the relationship in the past 3 months, especially when the longest we'd ever gone without it was at most 2 weeks in our entire marriage. I explained how it was driving me absolutely insane to not share that intimacy and love with my wife, but I understood she couldn't do that right now and I don't expect that of her. I even added that if this kept up for much longer that was afraid i would do something "stupid" and seek that intimacy elsewhere.

Then things got a little more clear. The MC asked why W wouldn't be intimate (same question, just the word intimate instead of reciprocate) and W broke down and said "It feels like I have 2 children that I have to take care of that are needy and I'm always taking care of them emotionally." The MC said, "That doesn't sound like someone you'd like to be intimate with".

So, W even said that the reason she couldn't be intimate was because she felt she was being smothered. MC, me and W all agreed that I would back off a few days before her trip to see MIL and then try to initiate physical intimacy. W agreed that it seemed OK and she would try.

We'll see how it goes in the next couple days. I'm thinking that her going to the MIL for a week will create that space forefully since I suck at DB and will help the situation.