Looking for help with WAW

[robx]

Actually he did tell you what he believes your only chance would be, re-read his original reply to your question, shown here:

Just look at how emotional and begging and weak you again came across. I think you have destroyed it to a point that it may be past the point of no return of her.

I believe your ONLY chance is to find another woman that your WS thinks you have the hots for.

You just have NOT displayed the qualities that you mentioned for any (if at all) length of time. YOu always go back to getting emotional and begging and apologizing and weak. You get emotional. I don't think you realize it but she is still trying to let you down easy. You still fail to admit to yourself that "it really may be over)(which is an important step in letting go) You still are wanting to hope that "I still think she loves me deep inside and it is buried"... you have to STOP that kind of talk. You are in the "hope trap"...

[pinhead]

When you start to feel helpless, stop and think about your actions. You can't control your feelings, but you can control what you do.

Quit worrying about how you got here. It's not productive. Think about where you want to be in a year. Do you want to be stewing in bitterness and regret?

Whenever you beg and grovel, think of a dog. Would your wife fall in love with a dog? Be a man. Take it like a man. When she sees you acting like a man, then you might have a chance.

[mza8]

Thanks for checking in PH. You're right about letting go of the bitterness and regret.

Robx, yes, I read that part of Gucci's post but that's one thing I am unwilling to do to get W back. Maybe it works for some and maybe it doesn't...it's just not who I am.

W emailed me last night (first time we have had contact since Tuesday's talk) and said she was thinking about the house over the weekend. Said she is worried about having the house off the market for too long and it causing a problem with the bank. She was thinking we should ask the former agent to extend her listing for one month while W and I worked out the details to list the house. She asked what I thought.

I emailed her back right away last night. I told her that I was thinking about the house too this weekend and I agree with her that we should get the house back on the market quickly. I said that we can talk about the house listing this week and how I can help her with this. I said to let me know when she's availble and I will make sure to make myself available. Haven't heard back from her yet.

I know she's stressed about the house. I am going to make it easy for her. When we talk I'll inform her that I'll sign the agreement and list the house so we can lower the price and sell it quickly. I will do whatever makes her comfortable now. I will really listen to every word she tells me.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

mza8,

I've been following but not much too offer lately.
I saw this though:

I believe your ONLY chance is to find another woman that your WS thinks you have the hots for.

You're right when you say in may or maynot work.

For my sitch I don't think it is working. I have been GAL with a new lady friend but I'm not sure if W knows. She may through our mutual friend, but that's not why I'm doing it. For me it was part of my detaching.

The OW I'm with now said she has experienced men she dated going abck to their Ws after they saw their H with her.

Again some do some don't. But don't disgard the notion entirely.

I have taken over the role of leading the necessary actions to take for D.

I emailed her last week about the division for the house.( no response from her yet)

I also emailed her last night suggesting we take turns once a month watching the kids for the full weekend.
Right now she has them until Saturday afternoon so our weekend are only one day of free time. I know I would like to have the opportunity to go away for the entire weekend and I'm sure she would like the same.( No response on this suggestion yet either.)


Bottom line for me, If showing her I'm leading and moving on with my life doesn't spark her to say anything to me then I know she doesn't want to reconcile..... and I'm OK with that.

I have two great kids to raise and enjoy having them.

I read on another thread Puppy said the same thing about W seeing you with OW. If it does bring them back it at least gives them something to think about.

gr8

[LSG]

mza8,

I am not willing to date or be with another woman until my divorce is final. I would feel that I am no better than my W.

I guess we all have to use the advice that we receive that is best for individual sitches.

I hope you the best. I am glad to see you have a positive attitude.

[mza8]

Hey Gr8, been following your sitch too. Glad to see you are doing things and making decisions for you with your house, etc.

Have you heard anything from Glimmerman lately? I haven't seen him here in awhile and was wondering how he's doing.

Regarding the dating issue to get the spouse to come back. I don't disagree with what anyone feels is right for them to do to save their marriage. If some people take the approach to date then that's good for them and hopefully it works. If for not getting back their WAS then for moving on with a new R. I can understand that people get tired of waiting around for their WAS. It's just not something for me, that's all. We all have our reasons.

A friend of mine who is also going through a similar sitch has recently started dating. From talking to him I'm not sure how happy it makes him feel that he is dating. It seems like he's just doing it to fill a void right now. Deep down I think he still would like things to work out with his W.

I think the DB methods of no pursuing, GAL, etc. are good for everyone to use but the dating other people is a personal preference. I know this topic has been debated a lot on this forum.

Good to hear that you are enjoying time with your children.

[mza8]

Hi LSG. I've been keeping up with your sitch too.

Yes, it's a personal decision for everyone. I know why my W left. I know what I need to do for my sitch and it's not dating. I can completely understand Gucci's advice about dating though, but again, it's just not for me. I do like Gucci's other advice to me.

Good luck in your sitch. I'm followiing along with my support.

[Dudess]

I know she's stressed about the house. I am going to make it easy for her. When we talk I'll inform her that I'll sign the agreement and list the house so we can lower the price and sell it quickly. I will do whatever makes her comfortable now. I will really listen to every word she tells me.

You know she's worried about the house. You know you have decided to sign the agreement, yet you didn't tell her that right away. Why?

If I were in her shoes, it would be a load off my mind to know about your decision asap.

[robx]

I know she's stressed about the house. I am going to make it easy for her. When we talk I'll inform her that I'll sign the agreement and list the house so we can lower the price and sell it quickly. I will do whatever makes her comfortable now. I will really listen to every word she tells me.

You know she's worried about the house. You know you have decided to sign the agreement, yet you didn't tell her that right away. Why?

If I were in her shoes, it would be a load off my mind to know about your decision asap.

He's holding off and not taking initiative in this situation pretty much like the rest of his thread has indicated his actions to be, slow to act, slow to respond, don't want to bother her at work with a call or email, etc.

MZA8, call the wife, tell her your plan,
"I've decided to sign your commission agreement, let's get this done asap, etc."

You're stalling, stop stalling, move forward on this.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

mza8,

I haven't heard from GM lately.

I was thinking about your sitch this morning driving to work.

I know you still have hope to reconcile. Your posts still suggest you are attached to her and don't won't to let her go.
This is prohibiting you from moving on with your life.


You say you don't want to see OW b/c that's not you and that's fine.

How would you respond if you saw her with OM?
Would that be a deal breaker for you? (It was for me)

That's when I truely detached lost ALL hope and started to see OW.