i've been described as having this huge heart and that is why i put up with what i did and why i feel the way i do and why i don't want to give up.


i'm not begging him to stay. i've basically gone dark. just so much time, emotion, energy...everything put into this. i knew him, dating him before XH. i only have 1 other friend who has been in my life longer. the ball is in his court, it's been in his court. up to him if he would want to try to change and work on things and build a different future.

*please don't yell and jump on me for that. i'm just writing, off the top of my head/heart.

i know in my head that i deserve better. that i shouldn't have put up with the way things have been for a very long time. but i love him.
there is literally nothing left i can do or say. i've poured everybit of my heart & soul out to him.

he seems confused - words and actions not matching. i don't know. i don't know anything right now-just reminding myself to breath in and out is focus enough.


oh - and i did talk to a counselor. she said i'm too hard on myself. figures.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.