So I think I need to go to an IC, and deal with my issues. I dont know why I lie about little stuff, maybe and IC can help, made some calls and going to see when I can set one up.
Rob, pin any thoughts on my email a couple of posts ago?
I think that it's hard to rebuild trust. My wife caught me looking at her browser history on her iPad. That really rocked her. Then I did a 180 and thought, why was she so concerned...
The best way to rebuild her trust in you is easy:
1) Say what you mean. 2) Mean what you say. 3) Do what you say.
Doing the right thing is hard; that's integrity. I find that if I think about acting instead of reacting, things almost always turn out better.
For example, my wife has been looking at apartments, and sent me the address of one she could afford. It's in a crappy neighborhood, and a long drive between our houses. But it's her call. I'm not going to try and control her, I'm going to let her make her own decisions. So I'm sure when I get home she'll want to talk about it, and now I can think through how I feel about it.
I'm also not afraid any more to say I need to think about something before making a decision. That's hard for me because I'm pretty impulsive. But yet another 180 for me.
Your email was fine, but words are cheap. Back it up with solid actions.
Thats kinda funny pinhead, (I watched the show Deadliest Warrior on spike the other day and it was Sun Tzu vs. I cant remember. But they talked about the fact that Sun Tzu has set the stage for some of the most famous battles and strategies in history. Came home from the gym, W was already home, she is being upbeat and no mention of the earlier Code Red situation. She posted something on her FB that said "life is too short, the world is too big... that kinda stuff gets under my skin. I dont like the fact she airs her thoughts on public network sites like that, especially when close friends and family know we are having issues. But again I need to hold back and not read in to it too much.
So I guess the email worked (for now) and either she is acting happy or I just did the right thing, agreed with her feelings and blew the fire out. What a long road I still have to travel, would love to do it in a porsche to make it go quicker, but the excersise will do me good.
Also Pin, I am very impulsive as well, that is why I am quick to defend and throw things back at her. That has been my biggest 180, but an accomplished one so far, hopefully she has noticed, I feel she has, but again I am sure like other W's she will think it is temporary since it has only been a short time.
Thats kinda funny pinhead, (I watched the show Deadliest Warrior on spike the other day and it was Sun Tzu vs. I cant remember. But they talked about the fact that Sun Tzu has set the stage for some of the most famous battles and strategies in history. Came home from the gym, W was already home, she is being upbeat and no mention of the earlier Code Red situation. She posted something on her FB that said "life is too short, the world is too big... that kinda stuff gets under my skin. I dont like the fact she airs her thoughts on public network sites like that, especially when close friends and family know we are having issues. But again I need to hold back and not read in to it too much.
So I guess the email worked (for now) and either she is acting happy or I just did the right thing, agreed with her feelings and blew the fire out. What a long road I still have to travel, would love to do it in a porsche to make it go quicker, but the excersise will do me good.
you need the "exercise", leave the porsche out of it for now, you can pick one up a few months from now if everything works out
(on a side note, saw wicked porsche the other day, a matte stainless steel/silver color and the license plate read "NO WIFE" LOL! too funny)
I love that show (deadliest warrior), watch it all the time, Sun Tzu vs Vlad the Impaler and Sun lost in the end and got a nice wooden pole up the rear entrance for his troubles which really wasn't a nice way for him to go.
As for your wife posting on crackbook and letting her personal thoughts out, remember she is insecure, she wants support for her decisions, her feelings, she wants people to say, "hang in there, you'll get through this, our thoughts are with you", etc. etc. Who doesn't want that type of support? Everyone wants the whole world cheering them on. (ok mostly everyone)
Let her do what she wants to do, your attitude is to agree with her feelings, stop the fights before they escalate using the methods we've described and to let her go, she wants to go, let her go, you don't stand in her way, you just accept that this is what she wants and she has her freedom to leave, to pursue a divorce, to get a new place to live, to pretty much do whatever it is she feels she needs to do and you are not to stand in her way.
Another thing too, she knows that her crackbook comments get under your skin, another test, I told you she would shower you with tests continually, you will smile at every single one because you know she's testing you from a position of insecurity to see if you can handle her tests.
And I know, you're getting flipping tired of all this f!@#$king tests, big deal, I don't like getting up early and going to work everyday, I'd rather win the lottery, retire in my 30's and drive a different colored F150 truck every day of the week and swap the lamborghini and ferrari on saturday's & sunday's. Until that happens in my life, I'll be going to work because I'm disciplined and it's something I have to do regardless if I "FEEL" like it or not.
Also Pin, I am very impulsive as well, that is why I am quick to defend and throw things back at her. That has been my biggest 180, but an accomplished one so far, hopefully she has noticed, I feel she has, but again I am sure like other W's she will think it is temporary since it has only been a short time.
yeah she noticed, if you didn't notice, you scored a back rub from a wife who wanted you out of the family home last week and who wants to divorce you.
Did you forget that?
I think that's interesting considering she is so against you and wants to leave you and divorce you.
She gave you a backrub and you gave her one too.
I could be wrong but that's not typical behavior for a WAS who is determined to leave your a$$ and get a divorce.
Don't read anything into it but I'm thinking that backrub was the first of many.
Love the license plate. Another sign? Haha I do need to clear up the back rub was with a chiropractic handheld not with hands. But either way she laid on our bed on her stomach which is still something. The kids have been sleeping in her bed, and tonight I told them they need to sleep in their own bed. I don't want them disrupted with this crap.
W says " mommy can spread out in bed now" I was thinking yes you can and alone! Had a stressful day and kept an "ok" pma not over zealous but did not take out stress on the family, 180.
We watched closer together and I am doing "my" laundry. Not much talking tonight.
Sometimes I do feel she is not confrontatio nal just to make things easy. But easy is better than difficult
