Are you two in counselling? This is a must so that she can understand what you feel and you understand how she feels. Right now that's not happening.
She's not going to feel like "filling your cup like crazy" and you shouldn't expect her to. That's a naive way of thinking. It starts with communicating the right way to each other.
The fact that she has apologized and has shown remorse is a huge thing.
Words without action mean nothing. The key is a spouse in an affair will compartamentalize the LBS. In part of this, they will turn off or stop doing certain functions they used to do for the LBS. Also they will create new boundaries for the LBS ( friend zoning ).
To restore a fruitful marriage, alot of this compartamentalization will need to be undone. It cannot be done by trucking along like nothing happened, and issuing the words "I'm sorry".
Part of the reason we get married, or I hope for most of you is that you "take care of each other". Much of this is lost during the affair. Part of being "taken care of" by your spouse will "fill your cup". Its the actions, the thought, knowing someone is there that does it.
