Not trying to butt in, but I think LL hit on a little red herring a few posts ago. Unfortunately, I think it’s a red herring that becomes a kinda self fulfilling thing.
Quote: thing is this...
I look at my parents m and don't want it...of course it ended so what's to want about it?
I look at h's parents m and though they are still together I don't want anything like their m either.
thing is I don't have any examples of the happy medium and I don't think h does either.
so how to know, where to go, what to do...how to find that happy medium and is h even willing or is this as good as it gets?
LL
FWIW, I don’t think you need a model. If a person (or couple) want to build their own model, then why not? One doesn’t have to have their parents’ M. Nor do they have to have their spouse’s parents’ M.
The unfortunate part is (as you’ve been exploring in the rest of the posts), that in order to build your own model, you need to cooperate, and dare I say it, negotiate.
Is that a possibility for you? As everyone says, you cannot change your spouse, but you can ask them to change themselves.
I know you’ve done this before, and the results were less than impressive. I’m in the same boat, and I can certainly tell you that at this point in time, there’s no possibility of negotiation for me.
But if you step back and take a look at things from time to time, you may find that things have changed (or could change). If your spouse is caught up in the “I can’t help it… I don’t have any other model to follow” attitude, then you’re kinda stuck.
LL... I think your H hasn't seriously thought about how restrictive your lifestyle is. But do you honestly believe that he can come and go as he pleases?
I know that I've given more lip service than actual thought about the limitations on my W's days. But at the same time, she has refused to cut me any slack either.
