Seperated But Living Together

[2gthrButApart]

So, still no R, he gave up on the 7 wk program after 2 weeks. We've had many ups and downs. 3/1/10 he moved out. On 3/10/10 I found out I'm pregnant. He wanted me to abort it since we are not together, he wants to get his life together, and feels the baby will be an added burden.

I didn't abort my baby, my 2 Daughters 7 & 9 are excited.

I ended up moving to another state an hour and a half away from "home" b/c the girls started doing really bad in school after DH told them we are getting a D.

WH comes up every weekend to see them. Sleeps in my bed, initiates sex an we have a good time. BUT I saw in his email he's going to see a L on 8/30/10 to discuss filing for D. It felt like a kick in the stomach. He said he HAS to do this so I can stop my crap. Since March I have been begging, pleading, questioning, pursuing you name it, I've done it...... Before he moved out in March I was GAL and detaching, but we were still in the same home, since he's left this all feels so new to me and the pain is so much fresher.

I don't know if I should still have hope or not since he is finally going to file. Our DD's start school 8/30 and he said he'll take them to school but has to be back in our home town by 1:00PM. I played dumb and asked if it's for work ( I know he has the appt with the lawyer that day) and he said "No it's not for work, I have an appt" I just said ok.

Is it a good sign that he won't admit that that's the day he's seeing the L, even though he's told me he's seeing one soon so I can stop my Sh*t?

I'm just so lost and confused. Any advice or should I give up?

[LanceSijan]

Since March I have been begging, pleading, questioning, pursuing you name it, I've done it

WHY?

You started posting 3/09. Did you not learn anything here?
No wonder he wants to divorce you.
You need to do a 180 right away and stop this behavior.
Unless you want him to carry though with his threat.

Detach,Go back and read this:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

[seeking answers]

2GBA,

Crying and pleading are seen as pressure by the MLCer. The more you do it the further they run.

Is your H mentioning the baby at all? Do you know if he plans to be there for the birth?

Keep posting, we're here for you, you're not alone.

(((Hugs)))

[2gthrButApart]

He does mention the baby, he rubs my stomach and interacts with it when it kicks him. He said He's "trying to see the good in this" in regards to having the baby we didn't plan. He began buying things for the baby, he is a great dad to our girls.

I was detaching pretty well, going out, GAL...and he got extremely PO'd. He says it's part of the reason he finally moved out, he says it's b/c he was trying but I was too into going out. I didn't know he was trying, I was under the impression we were making the home as comfortable as possible for the girls, living as rommates.

I keep thinking the sex is cake eating, but MWD has articles on how it can help the sitch....so I get confused on which approach to take. I just feel confused and lost again. I was DBing so well, till he threw me a curve ball and moved out anyway. It just made all of the wounds fresh once again.

[seeking answers]

Is it possible there's an ow?

[2gthrButApart]

I haven't found any evidence of one. He's always here on his time off to spend time with the kids. But I'm not 100% sure.

[seeking answers]

I went back and read a little about your sitch. You and your H are young but a life crisis can occur at most any age.

What was your H's childhood like?

[2gthrButApart]

He had a rough childhood and I know he suffers from depression. But he's to embarrassed to go for help and get on ADs.

BTW he says he's going to see the L and file b/c he has to. He says things will never change if he doesn't handle it this way.

Yeah I'll be 28 in 3 wks, and he's 30.

[seeking answers]

Pull a complete 180 on him. The next time you see him be pleasant. You do not have to be over the top. Absolutely NO R talks. In fact can you arrange to go out and do something for yourself and give him time alone with the kids?

Take what your H has said to you that stings and work on that in yourself, for yourself. This is not a trick to get H back but a chance to work on yourself.

You can not fix your H nor control him so do not even try. If you do your H may view it as you trying to control him and use it to justify what he's doing.

I would take a close look at his statement that he has to do this to stop your crap. STOP whatever it is he's talking about.
Actions speak louder than words. It's possible that if you work on that in yourself he may come to the conclusion that he doesn't have to file to get it to stop.

Make sure any changes you make are for you or they will not be permanent.

Is your H still spewing at you?

2 this is not an easy or fast journey for your H or yourself.

Hang in there and buckle up, it's a bumpy ride.

[2gthrButApart]

Sometimes he still spews at me, as current as this past Friday before he came up. Then Saturday he treated the kids to see Despicable me and sent them with my sister while we went to see Salt. No hand touching or anything. Basically watched it as 2 friends which is what he wants to be. Last Saturday he planned a surprise with the girls and we all went to dinner to MY favorite restaurant. But I've learned not to feed into these things and get my hopes up b/c when I do he reminds me he's just being nice it doesn't mean a thing for "us". He says to get over him and move on. He said I'm just "so into him" that I can't see I keep ruining things daily.

I think I may just give up on hopes of a R. B/c everytime I get my hopes up I'm shot down, hard! And I'm tired of hurting. Of course he tells me to "move on" he knows darn well I'm 6 months pregnant and have no desire to "move on" relationship wise. And he knows the kids are extra clingy since he's left. They suddenly have a fear of abandonment so I have zero time to ever go out alone mon-fri evening and this is to his advantage. When I was still in our home town and GALing he was upset and thought I was cheating.

I'm usually pleasant when he's up here. Now it's time I go dim and minimize contact with him during the week.