Sometimes it feels (well not sometimes, always) like I've been going through this for years. It's only been 30 days, and I've felt more pain and sadness than I ever thought possible. If only our WASs knew, actually knew how much pain their actions bring us.
I need to learn patience. I need to detach. I need to find God's grace. I need to mend. But all I can do is feel pain. Even during my GALs, I'll see a family walking together and wonder why that's not my family. Or a couple laughing at a restaurant, or walking down the street holding hands.
I never once considered cheating on my wife, though my emotional and physical needs weren't being met. Never once thought of leaving her and our kids. Never flirted with other women, disrespecting the vows I made.
Despair is the worst emotion; worse than fear, worse than rejection. Despair is my mortal enemy. And despair is winning...
