So had the initial “talk” with W yesterday about her “secret” Facebook/Gmail account…her account is that she hasn’t been conversing/seeing him but wanted a way to see “what he’s doing” (by seeing his FB updates) and had made up the fake Gmail account to be able to set up the FB account (contrary to our mutual agreement that she not be FB “friends” or anything else). She said there’s no emails in the Gmail acct.
Also said “you weren’t supposed to find out about this” and basically made it sound like she wasn’t planning on disabling this account after having this conversation (as “I don’t want to be with him, but want to know what he’s up to”)…??? and “don’t have any plans now or in the future to see him” and is still trying and make “us” work (actually said she feels like she’s trying and she’s hitting a brick wall with me, of course, I’ve been feeling the exact same way).
NLG,
You are not wrong in your stance, and any good IC or MC will back you up. Physiologically, doing things like "seeing what he's doing," etc., is 'CONTACT', and it sets your wife's withdrawal "clock" back to 0:00:00 every time she does it. Even NEGATIVE contact (gossiping a negative rumor about him, having a fight with him, allowing someone else to talk to her, negatively, about him) has a chemical affect on her brain.
This is basic human physiology, consistent with the "withdrawal" period of any addiction.
