ok ll - this is gonna sound choppy, but i want to get it out while it's in my head, but it's not all that coherent, so maybe you and i can work thru this together, if you wouldn't mind ok?
Quote: you are talking to a latch key kid!
yup, ok, this is making far more sense to me. so was i, but my mom and dad got divorced when i was three so i didn't know any father. i joke around to this day that i wasn't raised by my mom cause she had her own life and i lived alot of time with my sister (15 years my senior)
you see ll, whenever i read your threads, i feel so in tune to what you are saying - the whole business of feeling taken advantage of, feeling like i am doing all the work, husband not living up to expectations
i am starting to believe that because of my upbringing i feel this way. i thought for the longest time that since my two step sons weren't mine that was the reason i felt that my home life was such a chore, that i was just living for the benefit of those boys and my husband, they didn't lift a finger to help with anything and it always lead to fights and the feeling to me that my husband was inadequate
but i realized that i still felt that way after my own daughter was born. i remember being on im with a girlfriend of mine crying my eyes out one day when my daughter was about 3 months old that i can't get anything done and husband was not helping, like it wasn't even his kid too, and i resented it so much cause he said with his first wife he always took care of his boys.
do you think ll, that because we were brought up in a dysfunctional (for lack of a better word) home that we are perpetuating that feeling into our own marriages? i honestly don't know what your religious beliefs are, but mine are that god created man and woman for specific purposes which is not what is happening today. i do believe that man was to be the hard load outside "bring home the bacon" and the woman was to pretty much handle everything else. but that didn't leave the man out of family responsibilities as he was supposed to provide for the finanacial, and emotional and sprititual interests of his family (patriarch - think abraham)
i believe because of my upbringing that being a wife meant that i was being a "slave" and of course no one wants that feeling - and i let that spill over to my marriage especially when i ended up with someone with kids, and then of course with one of my own.
oh shoot, i don't know what i am trying to say exactly except that i know that i really didn't have a mom to show me what a mom was really supposed to be, and in actuality she didn't either because her mom died when my mom was 18 - and i think i might have short changed my marriage because of these resentments that were ingrained in me.
no woman should be a slave. - i heard that more than once from both my sister and my mother
help me ll, do you understand where i am going with this?
