A new day ... or something equally cliche ....

[ericmsant2]

PEI,

Quite frankly, I think most are suspect of my ability to be genuinely making decisions from a place of healing, growth, maturity and love based on my timeline.

As Jack mentions, I think that this ^^^^ is the concern that everyone probably has with YOU and a few others on these boards.

I made mention of something similar in my thread several weeks ago. It was along the lines of… I see many of you saying "I am now standing for me", etc. and I too wonder if WE ALL (myself included) have done the work to be whole and complete. If we really are at a point that we are healed enough to make this claim. I am not being critical. I am not. I am not judging you or your position. Only YOU know what is best for you. Only YOU know what is best for your kids. FTR – this post is not just for YOU PEI.

For me personally, I think it boils down to everyone’s "own" interpretation of "standing".

What is it? What does it mean?

I do not want to speak for YOU or anyone else so I here are MY views, specifically as it relates to my sitch (sorry if this is a hijack).

I love my W. I think everyone knows this. I am now trying to figure out what I really want. What I want for me and my kids. Not for her. I now understand that her choices are hers. Her actions or the lack thereof are HERS not mine. MY actions are MINE. The decisions that I make are mine. I own them. No one else.

So the questions for me really are....do I love her enough to wait this out? Can I really act "as if" she will never again be in my life? Are any of my decisions based in anger? Are any of my decisions based in fear? Are they the "easy" way out? Was the M really that good? Who will she be when and IF she comes out of this?

Back to my interpretation of standing….

Am I standing? I have no idea. I know this. I don’t have a crystal ball. I love my W. I still do and always will. I will not move forward with a D (FTR she filed already and I have an Aug court date). I will protect my interest BUT will not be an ass. I will be fair, honest and just. I will be who I NOW AM. I am also moving forward in my life. Whatever happens in it happens. I am going with the flow that is LIFE.

So is this standing? I have no idea nor do I really care. IMO, we get hung up on the terms, the language and we need to really begin to move away from that and just…..be TRUE to who WE ARE. Personally, I no longer care about who says what. It really does not matter anymore. I know who I am. I know what I am doing.

PEI - We all came here broken, we all came here and screamed "I will wait forever", we came here and we said BOLDLY "I will STAND". Yet, when the going gets tough, when our feelings are hurt, when things do not GO OUR way, well then we start the process of reassessing our M.

Then we begin to "feel" like we are done. We begin to "feel" like our spouses will never change. That maybe they were never the mate for us.

IMO - It is the easy f'in way out. It is a way that some of us can get out of doing the work. The real work of finding out who we REALLY are. The real work of true HEALING. The real work of becoming people of true character and morals. The real work of understanding that EVERYONE is entitled to make their own choices. Including our spouses. The real work of learning what it is to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY. That is the real work....not the "regurgitating" the DB principals of detach, GAL, etc. that sometime I can see on these boards.

Now I do agree with boundaries. I do agree that sometime enough is enough. I do agree that sometime people may hold on too long. I do agree with all of this.

PEI – your not stupid and I am not questioning your choices. You and everyone else who has made a decision to stand or not stand it is on you. Just make sure of one thing – make sure that you are “sure”. If you still have doubts, then IMO…do nothing…just sit still and let life happen.

Now, I think I remember you posting that the door is not closed for you H – this to me sounds like you and I are in similar sitchs…we are moving forward and living life BUT leaving the door open.

These are just my opinions and FTR what the hell do I know.

God Bless,
Eric