Quote: Did h say all of those? Or are some of them from ow?
I know what it feels like to have the words come back....it's hard for me to discount what was SAID (particularly since words are so meaningful to me)...but what if you tried to counteract these statements with DATA (I know...more work for you!)...what if you asked h for HELP on this? (BTW -- if you did decide to do that...M&V will tell you not to do that when either of you is on the downward slope...do it when you're both feeling good)
Sage
was having myself a little pity party ...
yes some of these things were said by ow so should I really hold onto them?? nope!
as far as the stuff that h said...we did talk about them and more way back when he first started to come around...
"I asked for a d and said a lot of things"
"well did you mean all of them"
"at the time yes and no"
so most of the things have been hashed out already...it's just me and my own damn insecurities...and well ya sure when I'm tired and crabby and feeling like I'm the one doing it all around here (not discounting the stuff that h does do but man I feel like I hold the motherload...hey gee perhaps that's the issue..h is a sexist bastard by nature and assumes it's all my responsibility and if he does anything however minimal it deserves a party, ok I'll stop that crap now)
do I believe h wants to be here with me and the kids? yes, but I'm not so sure he always remembers what he learned about actually being there is more important than paying the bills and making the yard look nice.
do I believe that h wants to be with me? this one I'm not so sure about anymore.
do I believe it would matter to h if I were to leave? ok well other than the fact that he'd have to find someone else to cook and clean and take care of the kids??? not so sure it would matter.
guess I'm just feeling bad for myself right now and not being forgiving.
I am still very mad and hurt by what h did. honestly I don't think he had any justification what so ever for lying to me, cheating on me, leaving me, emotionally abusing me etc. and I don't always feel like he is doing anything to make up for it...ok not make up for it but give me reason to stay? feel like I'm the one trying to make him stay when honestly I know that life was a bit easier while he was gone...at least then I knew he'd be "on duty" when he visited and I could leave without him giving me an attitude and needing more time to settle in.
I just see us walking a very shaky path...don't know what he thinks cause he doesn't have much to say about it and seems perfectly content moving in this direction.
guess I just want back the guy who first came home.
